Opinion

Band 5+: In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit. While some support this, other people belleve that this money should not be given.

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Whether or not money should be given to people who are unemployed is a matter of debate. In my opinion, a person who is unemployed should receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit.

In several countries, most people are always against paying money to people who are unemployed. They say if a person does not help people or is jobless, a country is not obligated to pay for them. They think if those funds were directed to develop a country, it would be prosperous instead of being given to jobless people.

On the other hand, some countries encourage unemployed people. People in those countries believe that if we support them, they will find a job and they will help us. They think jobless people are not bad; they are just unlucky.

In conclusion, I respect both thoughts, and I support the second thought because an unemployed person is not a bad or harmful guy, just an unlucky guy. If we support them, they will find a great job, and they will find their true way.

Word Count: 181

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

unemployed: 5

money: 3

person: 3

countries: 3

jobless: 3

support: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments. Also, ensure a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your opinion. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear stance and follows a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing opposing viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from the first body paragraph to the second could benefit from a clearer connecting phrase to highlight the contrasting viewpoint. While paragraphing is adequate, consider using more sophisticated linking words and phrases to enhance the flow and guide the reader more effectively through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, sufficient for conveying the main points. However, the language used is somewhat basic and lacks sophistication. To improve, try incorporating more precise and varied vocabulary related to economics, social welfare, and employment. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'jobless people,' consider alternatives like 'unemployed individuals,' 'those seeking employment,' or 'the involuntarily unemployed.' Expanding your lexical range will make your writing more engaging and persuasive. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with very few errors. The sentence structures are generally accurate and clear. To further enhance your grammatical range, experiment with more complex sentence structures, such as using a wider variety of subordinate clauses and participial phrases. This will add depth and sophistication to your writing while maintaining accuracy.

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Band 5+: In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit. While some support this, other people belleve that this money should not be given.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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