Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 6+: In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

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In recent years, many people have more than one job at the same time, compared with people in the past, they had only one job. This essay will discuss the reasons, as well as the benefits and drawbacks of having done one job.

One major reason why people have multiple jobs is that the demands of life have increased in my aspect of lives. In the old days, the price of primary goods, taxes, rent costs, and education fees were not as expensive as today. For example, the amount of private school fees in 2005 was just around one million per month, cheaper than today, which can reach up to 5 million per month. Additionally, the price of food necessities is increasing because of the price of imported raw materials is also high, as a result, the price of processed food can become more expensive. Based on this phenomenon, a huge number of people choose to have a side job to secure their finances.

Having one job is not a bad idea. On one side, having only one job is beneficial for self-development, especially for a fresh graduate, they can become more focus in their expertise. Moreover, people with one job have more time to spend with their families and less stress. To illustrate, many young people go to the shopping center to spoil their selves after a busy work day. Nevertheless, having done one job can make people struggle more to fulfil their daily needs. Sometimes, the salary is not equivalent with their needs. They have to divide the incomes into various categories, such as to pay the tax, children school fee, and to buy a food. People with an average income should have good money management, hence, they can spend their money wisely.

In conclusion, in this modern era, every item experiences a price increase, therefore, many individuals find more jobs to gain more money to have sufficient finances. People with a single job find it difficult to fulfil their daily needs. Even having one job can offer many benefits, such as plenty of leisure time to spend with family members and have more time for self-development.

Word Count: 359

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 9

their: 8

price: 5

having: 4

spend: 3

needs: 3

money: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but there is some lack of focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, ensure that each point is thoroughly explained and directly linked to the question. Also, consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an adequate attempt to address the topic, but the organization could be improved for better clarity. The introduction provides a basic overview, but it could be more engaging. The body paragraphs generally present a main idea followed by supporting details, but the transitions between ideas and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt. For example, the shift from discussing the rising costs of living to people securing their finances could be smoother. The conclusion summarizes the main points, but it could offer a more insightful final thought. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, clear idea and use transitional phrases to connect ideas logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary that is generally appropriate, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, using 'in my aspect of lives' is not idiomatic; consider rephrasing to 'in many aspects of life'. There are also some instances of less sophisticated vocabulary, such as 'a bad idea' which could be replaced with a more nuanced phrase. To enhance lexical resource, focus on incorporating more precise and varied vocabulary, and pay attention to using idiomatic expressions correctly. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and occasionally impede understanding. Common errors include incorrect verb tense ('having done one job'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing ('spoil their selves'). Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where it could be improved for clarity. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, practicing sentence construction, and proofreading carefully for errors.

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