Opinion

Band 5+: Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In recent years, modern technology become one of the popular part of people’s lives and it has changed the way the spend their leisure times.I partially agree with this statement because modern technology has both positive or negative effects on people’s creative.

There are a number of reasons why some people argue that it has changed our leisure time. To begin with, instead of spending time with family members or creating new things , people spend most of their times in social media such as Facebook,Instragram etc.Due to this reason,individual cannot participate in creation. Furthermore, our young generation are addicted to modern games or social apps. Therefore people are becoming less interest in outdoor games and activities. Moreover, excessive use of modern innovation people from all walks of life mostly depend on modern equipments.Those tools can reduce imagination. In addition people have less interest in traditional hobbies because of technology. For example , in ancient times, people took part in activites such as gardening, drawing etc. However , in modern times people have lost interest in these activities.

Despite the above arguments, we cannot ignore the importance of modern technology. Firstly, Modern equipment provides numerous opportunities to develop our skills. For example, students can learn an unfamiliar words by using phones and they complete their assignments, homeworks through the technology. Secondly, women use Youtube to watch cooking videos and learn new recipes. By using mobile phones, people can create blogs and yearn lot of money.Thirdly modern technology has made our lives easier and convenient. By using those tools we can communicate our family members or relatives at any time and any place. In addition, if we get stuck in emergency siuation we can easily contact police or doctor.

In concluton,although excessive use of modern technology may reduce peoples interest in traditional hobbies and activites. I believe it also provides to learning new things. Therefore,modern equipments have both positive and negative site.

Word Count: 321

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

modern: 10

people: 8

technology: 7

interest: 4

their: 3

times: 3

using: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (partial agreement), but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The main arguments are relevant, but some points are underdeveloped or repetitive. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and fully explain how technology reduces creativity or provides opportunities. Also, avoid vague statements and provide more specific examples. Additionally, proofread for grammatical errors and improve the conclusion to more directly restate your position.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear referencing. For example, the phrase 'Due to this reason, individual cannot participate in creation' could be better linked to the previous sentence. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes repetitive (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'In addition'). To improve, use a wider range of linking words and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic with smooth progression of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'addicted', 'traditional hobbies', 'modern innovation'). However, there are several errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'entertain thesalves' (should be 'entertain themselves'), 'less interest' (should be 'less interested'), and 'yearn lot of money' (should be 'earn a lot of money'). The phrasing is sometimes awkward, e.g., 'modern technology become one of the popular part of people's lives'. To improve, focus on using precise and natural vocabulary, and proofread to eliminate spelling and word form errors.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, but there are numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement ('technology become' should be 'technology has become'), missing articles ('the way the spend' should be 'the way they spend'), and incorrect verb forms ('people are becoming less interest' should be 'people are becoming less interested'). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization, are also frequent. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing with accurate sentence structures, and carefully proofread the essay before submission.

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