Opinion

Band 5+: Life expectancy has significantly increased across the world in recent decades. It is believed that growing number of elderly citizens leads to problems for government, whereas other people argue that society benefits from having them.

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It is undeniable that in many countries, life expectancy has increased significantly in recent decades. Others oppose it and believe that an older population creates problems for governments. However, others argue that elderly people make valuable contributions to society.

Firstly, Some argues that an older population creates many problems such as they need higher healthcare costs from the government. Because, elderly people have weak bodies and they always carry some health issues with them. Sometimes, their medicine costs are expensive so they often cannot afford it. As a result, they have to rely on government. Another reason is, government have to spend more on pensions and social security support. However, It increases taxes for the young people. And, governments have to support them for elderly care and nursing homes.

Secondly, some people believe that there are numerous benefits to having more elderly people in society. In addition, they get pensions which may support their families financially. Also, they can help to care for their grandchildren if their parents do jobs. Most importantly, they have valuable experience and knowledge which can be a great help to the society for maintaining peace. Furthermore, they can volunteer, work and contribute to communities. The civilization will be more peaceful and respected.

In conclusion, longer lives allow people to enjoy more time with family and pursue hobbies. An ageing population creates some serious challenges.However, elderly people are not only a burden. With good healthcare, they can play a valuable role in society.

Word Count: 247

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

elderly: 5

their: 4

population: 3

creates: 3

valuable: 3

government: 3

support: 3

society: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both problems and benefits of an ageing population. A clear position is presented in the conclusion, but the development of ideas lacks depth and precision. Some points are relevant but not fully extended or supported with specific examples. There are minor lapses in clarity and coherence, such as the abrupt introduction of the opposing view in the first paragraph. To improve, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea with clear topic sentences, provide more detailed explanations and examples, and strengthen the link between paragraphs and the overall argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of cohesive devices. For example, the use of 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' is appropriate, but the connection between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and does not fully summarize the arguments. To improve, use more linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting details that flow logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'life expectancy', 'healthcare costs', 'pensions', 'social security', 'valuable experience', and 'contribute to communities'. However, there are some repetitions and less precise word choices. For example, 'elderly people' is used repeatedly, and phrases like 'they always carry some health issues' could be more natural. To improve, expand your vocabulary with synonyms and more sophisticated expressions, and ensure word choices are precise and natural in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For instance, 'Some argues' should be 'Some argue', 'government have to spend' should be 'governments have to spend', and 'It increases taxes' should be 'This increases taxes'. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. To improve, review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the use of articles. Additionally, vary sentence structures to include more complex sentences, but ensure they are grammatically correct.

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