Opinion

Band 6+: Many criminals re-offended after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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It has become common for offenders to re-commit crimes even after being punished. While having a lack of awareness about the consequences of breaking rules is one of the main reasons behind this trend, I believe that implementing new punishment measures as well as special programms and trainings aimed at educating people about the importance of obeying societal rules can reduce the occurance of crimes among offenders.

One main reason why people continue commiting crimes is having a lack of awareness about the consequences of their actions. Breaking societal rules deprives reoffenders from their freedom as they can be sentenced for years, reduces their social status in their society, and affects their emotional condition in the long-term, influencing negatively on their future career prospects and well-being. Bolivia, a land-locked country in central-western South America, is a pertinent example, where crime-prone individuals inhabit.

I, however, believe that several strategies can be implemented to stop crime, one of which is implementing new punishment measures. Applying new punishment methods not only discourages offenders from breaking rules again but also helps them reintegrate into society. New punishment measures may include sentencing offenders for several years, forcing them work in more harsh working conditions and even charging them for a huge amount of money. This methods have yielded its benefits in the USA, a country once used to be a crime-prone region.

Another effective strategy is organizing special programs and trainings by government bodies aimed at raising the awareness of the importance of obeying the societal rules. Meetings with psychologists and harsh criminals who regret comitting crimes not only discourage individuals from breaking rules again but also encourage them to be responsible members of their society.

In conclusion, while a lack of awareness about the consequences of comitting crimes is one of the main reasons behind this trend, I believe that several strategies such as implementing more serious punishment strategies and educating them about the significance of obeying rules can deter individuals from commiting crimes again.

Word Count: 331

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

rules: 7

their: 7

crimes: 6

about: 5

punishment: 5

awareness: 4

breaking: 4

offenders: 3

consequences: 3

believe: 3

implementing: 3

measures: 3

obeying: 3

societal: 3

individuals: 3

several: 3

strategies: 3

again: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. You have provided a clear position and developed your ideas with relevant supporting points. The structure is logical, and the transition between the causes and the solutions is smooth. To reach a higher score, ensure that your examples are more directly linked to the logic of your argument. For instance, the mention of Bolivia feels somewhat disconnected from the specific point about 'lack of awareness,' and the claim regarding the USA's crime rates is a very broad generalization that lacks specific evidence. Strengthening the logical connection between your examples and your claims will enhance the depth of your task response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both parts of the prompt, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is easy to follow. However, some transitions between sentences could be smoother. For instance, the mention of Bolivia feels somewhat disconnected from the logical flow of the argument regarding 'lack of awareness.' To improve, ensure that every example used directly reinforces the specific point being made in that paragraph.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary, using terms like 're-commit,' 'reoffenders,' 'reintegrate,' and 'societal rules.' There is some repetition of certain phrases (e.g., 'breaking rules,' 'obeying societal rules'). To reach a higher band, try to use more varied synonyms and ensure that collocations are natural. For example, instead of 'charging them for a huge amount of money,' you could use 'imposing heavy fines.' Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a variety of complex structures, such as conditional-style reasoning and relative clauses. However, there are several frequent errors that prevent a higher score. These include spelling mistakes ('programms', 'occurance', 'comitting'), subject-verb agreement issues ('This methods have yielded'), and awkward phrasing ('deprives reoffenders from their freedom' should be 'deprives reoffenders of their freedom'). Pay close attention to preposition usage and singular/plural consistency to improve accuracy.

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Band 6+: Many criminals re-offended after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Many criminals re-offended after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many criminals re-offended after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many criminals re-offended after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many criminals re-offended after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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