Opinion

Band 6+: Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and poorest members. What extent do you agree and disagree with?

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Some individuals believe that the difference between the richest and the poorest part in society have to be small to create a happy society. I strongly agree with this statement due to financial stability in the county and equality between members of the community.

The main reason is that a country that has stability will not have problems for people to buy simple needs for living because the prices for products or taxes will be comfortable for everyone’s salary. It might cause residents to have a similar level of living conditions and equality of financial position. Also, in this society individuals may concentrate on other things than thoughts about how to pay for accommodation next month and such as that strongly connected with budget. Consequently, by the stability and equality of locals’ earned salary we avoid negativeness in the community which may lead to a happy society.

Another reason is that the stable salary earned in the country may lead to the disappearance of comparing people’s budgets and reducing social anxiety. Most people have a fear of being judged because of their financial position, so if the community there does not have a large difference between people’s earned salary in minimal amount and maximum number of earned salary, there will not be fear of being judged or bullied. As a result, it might cause high rates of happiness in the country.

To sum up, I believe that by the equivalence of members in the society, namely the small distinction between the richest and the poorest we can produce a stable and happy community.

Word Count: 263

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

salary: 5

between: 4

society: 4

earned: 4

happy: 3

financial: 3

stability: 3

equality: 3

community: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position agreeing with the statement. The ideas are relevant and generally supported, though some points lack precision and development. For example, the connection between small income differences and financial stability could be explained more clearly, and the discussion of social anxiety could benefit from more specific examples or evidence. To improve, focus on extending your arguments with more detailed reasoning or real-world examples, and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly supports your position. Additionally, watch for minor grammatical errors and word choice issues (e.g., 'county' should be 'country', 'equivalence' may be better as 'equality').

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and the use of linking words like 'consequently' and 'as a result' helps guide the reader. However, some sentences are overly long or awkwardly phrased, which slightly disrupts the flow. For example, the sentence 'It might cause residents to have a similar level of living conditions and equality of financial position' could be broken down for clarity. Additionally, the phrase 'such as that strongly connected with budget' is unclear and affects coherence. To improve, focus on using shorter, clearer sentences and ensure each paragraph has a single, well-developed idea.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'financial stability', 'equality', and 'social anxiety'. There is some attempt at sophistication with phrases like 'disappearance of comparing people's budgets'. However, there are several instances of imprecise or awkward word choices, such as 'negativeness' (better: 'negativity' or 'negative feelings'), 'simple needs for living' (better: 'basic living needs'), and 'equivalence of members' (better: 'equality among members'). The phrase 'minimal amount and maximum number of earned salary' is also unclear. To improve, work on using more natural collocations and precise vocabulary, and avoid direct translations or invented phrases. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including complex sentences with clauses. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'the difference between the richest and the poorest part in society have to be small' should be 'has to be small' (subject-verb agreement). Also, 'by the stability and equality of locals' earned salary' is awkward and should be rephrased, e.g., 'through stability and equality in earnings'. Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences are run-ons or missing commas. To improve, review subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition choices. Practicing writing more concise and grammatically accurate sentences will help.

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Band 6+: Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and poorest members. What extent do you agree and disagree with?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and poorest members. What extent do you agree and disagree with?

Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and poorest members. What extent do you agree and disagree with?

Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and poorest members. What extent do you agree and disagree with?

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

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