Opinion

Band 4+: Money is spent on space exploration. It would be better if they spent it improving the life of humans on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, humankind have already achieved numerous achievments which had revamped social life.Some say that not only will scientists be able to solve many societal problems but space will be explored by help of advanced technologies . It , however, may require great investment to get target. While others criticise it would be better to fund on some challenges which mankind is facing including poverty, quality healthcare and education. I believe belive that spending great amount of money for exploration of universe could place burden on public finance since we don’t know what to expect if we get targeted achievement or not.

On the one hand, exploring space could ensure people with a lot of remarkable solutions for social problems. As the number of people has raised significantly there is more demand for new resources and place. By discovering new groundbreaking resources on space may solve our problems. For example, Elon Musk who is the CEO of SpaceX has announced that a new living form has been founded on Mars and there is a massive possibilty that human beings could live there in the future if we have no enough resources on Earth.

On the other hand, we have no factual information tha proves if environment of Mars could be as just sustainable as of Earth for us. But we have certain information that shows millions if not billions of people are suffering from water depletion in most parts of Africa and overpopulation is causing homelesness in many parts of Europe and North America. Were we not pay attentioin to these problems urgently it may lead some severe outcomes. It is reported that thousand of people are passing away from starving.

In conclusion, Exploration of space and societal challenges are multifaceted needs nowadays. Funding on solving current social problems would overweigh than investing in exploration of universe, though.

Word Count: 307

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

problems: 5

space: 4

could: 4

people: 4

social: 3

exploration: 3

there: 3

resources: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (agreeing that money should be spent on improving life on Earth), but the development is limited and lacks clarity in places. The main ideas are relevant but not fully extended or supported with precise examples. There are some lapses in logic and coherence, and the conclusion is somewhat abrupt. To improve, focus on developing each point with more specific evidence and ensuring a clear, logical flow throughout the essay. Also, proofread to avoid grammatical errors and unclear phrasing.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the introduction presents both sides but the writer's position is not clearly stated until the end. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' are used, but the second paragraph does not directly contrast with the first in a clear way). The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could better summarize the main points. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use a range of linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through the argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary, but there are several errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'achievements which had revamped social life', 'place burden on public finance', 'get targeted achievement'). Some phrases are informal or imprecise (e.g., 'a lot of remarkable solutions', 'massive possibility'). There is also repetition of words like 'space' and 'problems'. To improve, focus on using precise and natural vocabulary, and avoid overused or vague terms. Expand your lexical range by learning topic-specific vocabulary related to space exploration and social issues, and practice using it accurately in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'humankind have'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'belive' for 'believe'), missing articles (e.g., 'a new living form has been founded'), and awkward sentence structures (e.g., 'Were we not pay attentioin to these problems urgently it may lead some severe outcomes'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas and run-on sentences. To improve, review basic grammar rules, especially verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Practice writing clearer and more varied sentence structures, and proofread your work to catch and correct errors.

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