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Band 4+: More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are the possible solutions?

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A LOT OF PEOPLE IN ADVANCED COUNTRIES ARE BUYING CARS FOR THE FIRST TIME. THE MAIN PROBLEM THIS CAUSES IS WASTING A LOT OF MONEY ON EXPENCIVE CARS WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING BECAUSE THEY GET EXCITED AND THE MOST VIABLE SOLUTION IS BUYING CARS FROM CHEAPER COUNTRIES.

THE PRINCIPAL PROBLEM ASSOCIATED WITH PURCHASING CARS FOR THE FIRST TIME IS PEOPLE FALL FOR LOOKS AND GET SO EXCITED THEN THEY WOULD TAKE THE RISK AND BUY THE CAR WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT THE PRICE OR TRY TO FIND CHEAPER ONES. THE RESULT OF THIS IS MOST PEOPLE AFTER THEY BUY AN EXPENSIVE CARS THEY TEND TO REGRET IT BECAUSE THEY BE HAVING A FINANCIAL PROBLEMS AND START TO LIVE ON A BUDGET FOR A LONG TIME. FOR EXAMPLE, A RECENT GOVERNMENT SURVEY FOUND THAT 66% OF CAR BUYERS TEND TO REGRET IT AND TRY TO REFUND THE CAR BECAUSE THEY WASTED ALL THEIR MONEY ON IT JUST BECAUSE IT LOOKED BEATIFUL.

THE MOST SUITABLE SOLUTION PEOPLE CAN DO BEFORE BUYING CARS IS TRY TO FIND THE EXACT SAME CAR IN ANOTHER COUNTRY, BECAUSE THE PRICE CAN CHANGE FROM COUNTRY TO ANOTHER SO THEY CAN FIND CHEAPER PRICE IN ANOTHER CITY AND THAT SEEMS LIKE SUCH A GREAT WIN. FOR EXAMPLE, THE BBC NEWS SHOWED A STUDY SAID THAT PEOPLE COULD SAVE A HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY IF THEY TRIED TO FIND THE CAR THEY WANNA BUY IN ANOTHER COUNTRY.

IN CONCLUSION, PEOPLE WHO BUY CARS FOR THE FIRT TIME CAN GET SO EXCITED AND RECKLESS THIS COULD LEAD THEM TO A MAJOR ISSUE THAT CAN RESULT TO FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, HOWEVER IT CAN BE ADRESSED THROUGH BUYING CARS FROM CHEAPER PLACES.

Word Count: 277

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

because: 5

buying: 4

cheaper: 4

another: 4

money: 3

excited: 3

price: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt, but the development of ideas is limited and not always clear. The examples provided are not fully convincing and lack specific details. To improve, focus on providing more concrete and detailed examples to support your points. Also, ensure that your ideas are clearly linked to the prompt and that you fully develop each point before moving on to the next.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas is not always logical. The introduction and conclusion are very basic. The body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and sufficient development of ideas. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, use clear topic sentences, and provide supporting details and examples. Improve cohesion by using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. There is repetition of simple words and phrases, which affects the overall quality of the writing. To improve lexical resource, try to use a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic, including synonyms and more precise terms. Pay attention to the correct usage of words and collocations, and avoid using informal language. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. These errors significantly affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice using a variety of sentence types and verb tenses correctly. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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