Opinion

Band 5+: "Nowadays, children are being given a great deal of freedom by their parents." To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Today, they often think that children nowadays more freedom than children of the past. I disagree with this opinion.

In modern society, children often study more than children of the past and they also spend more time in do homework or go to school. Beside to, their parent forced them to focus on study to have a better future. For example, they go to school whole a day and take extra class in the evening. So they have no free time.

Moreover, children do not have play area. Cities didn’t design children’s play area because they always go to school instead of hanging out so goverment built more school than play area or tutoring centre was opened more than in the past. Even if they have free time, they won’t have play area.

In addition, parents do not want to them going out cause society is quite and dagerous. Society have more problems such as fraud, kidnapping, drug addiction and their parents aware that issue so they didn’t want to their kids are threatened. Protection of parents is a reason made the child became narrowed and suffer from certain mental health condition. For example, if children have free time, they also will live in their room and can not go out. children do not have freedom and can not entertainment as in the past.

In conclusion, children need to have more free time and play area to relax instead of focusing on study and go to school. Parents also should reduce their expected on their kids to reduce pressure of the child.

Word Count: 262

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 8

their: 6

school: 5

parents: 4

society: 3

study: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreeing with the statement). The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, but there are some lapses in clarity and development. The argument could be strengthened by providing more specific and varied examples, and by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single clear point. Additionally, the conclusion could more directly restate the position and summarize the main arguments. Overall, the response is adequate but would benefit from more precise language and more thorough development of ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear referencing. For example, the first sentence 'Today, they often think that children nowadays more freedom than children of the past' is confusing. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'Beside to', 'Moreover', 'In addition' are used but not always logically connected). Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively managed to separate distinct points. To improve, focus on making the main idea of each paragraph clear and use a wider range of linking words and phrases accurately.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at less common words (e.g., 'threatened', 'mental health condition', 'entertainment'). However, there are frequent errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'do homework' instead of 'doing homework', 'go to school whole a day' instead of 'go to school all day', 'goverment' instead of 'government', 'tutoring centre' instead of 'tutoring center'). The vocabulary is not always appropriate for the task, and there is repetition of basic words like 'children' and 'free time'. To improve, expand your vocabulary range and practice using words in the correct context. Also, pay attention to spelling and word forms. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'children nowadays more freedom' should be 'children have more freedom'), verb tense consistency (e.g., 'didn't design' should be 'do not design'), and sentence structure (e.g., 'Beside to' is incorrect). There are also problems with articles, prepositions, and word order. The range of grammatical structures is limited, with most sentences being simple or compound. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing more complex sentences, and proofread your work to correct errors. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures accurately.

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