Opinion

Band 5+: Nowadays it's possible for people to buy many products or pay for treatments that help them to look younger. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

At present, there are many opportunities for the people to buy various products to look youthful and evergreen. People are also paying money for different treatments to look young and attractive. While doing such things, people forget about the negative effects that it creates. It causes a complete waste of money and skin allergies in future. This essay will discuss the bad side of buying too many products or spending money for treatments to look younger.

The main disadvantage of buying various products and taking numerous treatments is spending money unnecessarily. The skin care products cost high in comparison to other items. For instance, there are so many advertisements on social media of skin care products. It shows that people will be brighter if they use the products. Due to that reason people waste money on that purpose and they can not be financially balanced. That is why, buying excessive products and wasting penny on treatments are spoiling people.

Furthermore, using various products on skin causes allergies. People who are taking treatments face enormous side effects on the body. Instantly they are looking beautiful and youthful but in the long run they are suffering. I want to sight an example, celebraties are using many products on skin and getting filler, botox treatments for looking extra young. For earning good views and likes, they are doing these things and harming their body. For this reason, they are suffering at the early age for different hormonal changes.

To sum up, many people are bringing disaster for them after using various products and treatments. In present world, the influence of beautification has increased and people are suffering for this. We should increase awareness among the people not to use these products and treatments.

Word Count: 290

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

products: 11

people: 9

treatments: 8

money: 5

various: 4

buying: 3

using: 3

suffering: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by taking a clear position that looking younger through products and treatments is a bad thing. It presents two main ideas: the financial cost and the health risks. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The examples given (advertisements, celebrities) are relevant but not fully explored. The essay could be improved by providing more specific and varied examples, and by considering the opposing viewpoint to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the conclusion could be more balanced and offer a more nuanced perspective. Overall, the response is adequate but would benefit from more detailed support and a more sophisticated discussion.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references. For example, 'It causes a complete waste of money and skin allergies in future' is vague. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes repetitive (e.g., 'That is why', 'For this reason'). To improve, use a wider range of linking words and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with smooth transitions.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'youthful', 'treatments', 'side effects'), but there are several inaccuracies and awkward choices (e.g., 'evergreen' instead of 'young', 'wasting penny' instead of 'wasting money', 'sight an example' instead of 'cite an example'). The range of vocabulary is limited, and some phrases are informal or incorrect. To improve, expand your vocabulary with more precise and formal terms, and avoid literal translations or informal expressions. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement ('people are suffering'), incorrect word forms ('celebraties' should be 'celebrities'), and awkward phrasing ('Instantly they are looking beautiful'). Punctuation is mostly correct, but some sentences are run-ons or lack proper connectors. To improve, focus on sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and proofreading for common errors.

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