Positive And Negative

Band 6+: Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society?

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Shopping is very popular among the majority of the population, despite their age or social standards. This is due to the fact that most people find shopping as an experience which makes a difference in their day to day life. Some people find themselves in a different world surrounded by various material things which they may or may not be able to purchase. Even if they are not able to finance these, they find much pleasure in looking and feeling these things and imagining owning them some day. Some people go shopping when they really want to purchase things and they prefer to look around and compare the prices before buying them. I think most people love to go shopping because then they could meet friends, make contacts with people and get to know what is in the latest trend. It provides them a pleasant distraction from their routine and sometimes dull life.

The most important effect shopping has on an individual is that it nourishes the self-esteem. An individual may find the social contact most gratifying and this makes people come out of their shells and be more extrovert. Purchasing something, as well as knowing that you are financially able to purchase something give more self confidence to people.

The increase in popularity to go shopping has many effects on the society. People may be encouraged to go into new businesses and it will improve the economy. More job opportunities will be created for people in these businesses. Encouraged by the increase of popularity manufacturers will try to improve their products, so that the consumers can have a wide range of products at competitive prices. The overall quality of the product as well as the services provided by the sales staff will be improved.

More job opportunities will be created in advertising as the manufacturers try to sell their product. Consumers will have a better knowledge of the product so that they will not be mislead by inferior quality products.

I find shopping an interesting and pleasurable experience, as each year passes by, simply because it enriches my heart and mind.

Word Count: 352

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 8

shopping: 7

their: 6

things: 3

purchase: 3

these: 3

product: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt appropriately, presenting a clear position and relevant ideas. However, there's some lack of focus and precision in supporting ideas, and some points could be more thoroughly developed. To improve, ensure each point is fully explained with specific examples and avoid generalizations.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an adequate attempt to address the task, but the organization could be improved for better clarity. The ideas are generally connected, but the transitions between them are not always smooth, leading to some choppiness. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, in the second paragraph, the connection between social contact and self-esteem could be made more explicit. In the third paragraph, the link between new businesses and economic improvement could be clarified. The final paragraph feels somewhat disconnected from the main arguments; try to integrate your personal experience more cohesively with the overall discussion.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to express ideas, but there are instances where the word choice could be more precise. For example, 'makes a difference in their day to day life' could be rephrased for greater impact. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there's room to incorporate more sophisticated language to elevate the writing. Pay attention to using synonyms and avoiding overly common expressions. For instance, instead of 'find much pleasure,' consider alternatives like 'derive considerable satisfaction.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Sentence structures are generally simple, and there's an opportunity to incorporate more complex constructions to showcase grammatical range. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct tense usage. For example, 'The most important effect shopping has on an individual is that it nourishes the self-esteem' could be improved for grammatical accuracy and flow. Proofreading carefully for these errors will enhance the overall quality of your writing.

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