Opinion

Band 5+: Society is becoming obsessed with material goods like fast cars,designer clothes and flashy jewellery. We have stopped caring about the important things and that is why divorce rates are high and family bonds are not as strong anymore;our value system is disintegrating.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, it is a popular opinion that thinking only about expensive purchases can influence future and has a significant consequences. Many people believe that individuals who buy valuable items regularly begin to forget about their family and. This is a reason why the number of divorses are increasing significantly today. Personally, I completely disagree with this statement. In my opinion,it is possible to buy luxuary goods and have a family at the same time.

Firstly, I believe that all depends on people’s desire to save marriage and their life principle. For instance, I can mention Cristiano Ronaldo. He earns a lot of money every day and has a huge income. Furthermore, he has bought several penthouses, private jet and more than forty cars. However, he has a large family which consists of five children and his wife. Cristiano said that he has millions dollars but the most valuable for him is family.

In addition, there are numerous reasons why couples get divorced. It may be a disagreement, a misunderstanding or different life goals. Wealthy families are not exseption. They may have the simmilar problems as average couples and than they got divorsed. However, other people begin to think that their family disintegrated because of money.

In conclusion, I believe that being obsessed with material items do not always lead to divorce. Finances may be one of the reason for divorce but to avoid it couples should set priorities and do everything possible to save the marriage.

Word Count: 246

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 4

believe: 3

their: 3

couples: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position of disagreement. The main ideas are relevant and supported with an example and a discussion of other causes of divorce. However, the development is somewhat limited, and the argument could be more fully extended. There are some lapses in clarity and precision, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. To improve, ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and your position, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes your argument. Additionally, provide more detailed support and avoid vague statements. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections. For example, the transition from the introduction to the first body paragraph could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is basic, and some sentences are not well-linked. To improve, use a wider range of linking words and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition and informal choices. There are also spelling errors (e.g., 'divorses', 'luxuary', 'simmilar', 'exseption') and incorrect word forms (e.g., 'significant consequences' should be 'significant consequences' but the phrase is awkward). To improve, expand your vocabulary, use more precise and formal language, and proofread for spelling errors. For example, instead of 'valuable items', use 'luxury goods' or 'material possessions'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For instance, 'the number of divorses are increasing' should be 'the number of divorces is increasing', and 'all depends on people's desire' should be 'it all depends on people's desire'. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. To improve, review grammar rules, especially for subject-verb agreement, articles, and plural forms. Practice writing more complex structures with accuracy.

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