Opinion

Band 5+: Some businesses now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea but it also takes away some of our freedom. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In today’s world, many businesses have established a strict rule that forbids smoking in offices. Some government prohibited smoking cigarettes in public places at all. Many people believe it will lead to positive changes, while others say it steals our freedom away. This topic certainly has different aspects, and some of them will be discussed in this essay.

First of all, it is necessary for everybody to acknowledge that smoking brings health dangers both to smokers and non-smokers. Scientists have declared that smoke emitted from tobacco products which individuals exhale, settle in their lungs. This is why it surely can bring severe health issues to co-workers who do not smoke.

Besides, it is important to not forget about the availability of special areas, which are called smoking areas. Business companies could manage to organize such places in office buildings themselves. It would have reduced some of the major issues.

Overall, not allowing smoking neither at work nor in public definitely seems like a great idea. It will increase the awareness about the impact everyone has on each other and protect residents’ health.

Word Count: 182

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

smoking: 5

health: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the reasons for your agreement or disagreement. Consider discussing the balance between public health and individual freedom in more detail. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position, but the connection between ideas could be strengthened. Transitions between paragraphs are somewhat abrupt. Consider using more explicit linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. For example, in the second paragraph, you could add a sentence that clearly states the main point you will be discussing.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is generally adequate, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and sophistication. Try to use more varied and specific vocabulary related to health, freedom, and business environments. For instance, instead of 'brings health dangers,' you could use 'poses significant health risks.' Also, consider synonyms for words like 'important' and 'great' to add more nuance to your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a fair range of grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and article usage ('a,' 'an,' 'the'). For example, 'Some government prohibited smoking cigarettes' should be 'Some governments have prohibited smoking cigarettes.' Proofreading carefully for these types of errors will improve your score.

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