Discussion

Band 6+: Some individuals advocate for improving public transportation systems as a means to reduce traffic congestion and air pollution. Conversely, others argue that private cars offer more convenience and freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

There is no denying the fact that transportation is nowadays one of the essential requirements for humans. While it is a commonly held belief that developing public transportation helps in reducing highway congestion, there is also an argument that people who own their private cars feel more comfortable and free. This essay will analyse this topic from both points of view and express my opinion.

On one hand, optimizing public transportation helps in improving individuals’ health in the long-term. In other words, people who live in developing countries do not suffer from stresses and health problems that happen because of traffic congestion. In addition, enhancing public transportation directly assist in saving citizens’ time and make them more disciplined. For example, Riyadh Metro was launched to solve highway congestion, and has successfully achieved its goal.

On the other hand, private vehicles provide a comfortable trip, especially in luxury cars. It is also possible to say that there are vehicle factories that care about the materials they use in their cars to enhance their costumers’ convenience. Moreover, private cars allow individuals to enjoy their journey without constraints. For instance, if someone travels to another city they can choose where they will stop or take non-major street which not available in other transportation methods.

In conclusion, there are no easy answers to this question. On balance, however, I tend to believe that both methods have their fans but public transportation can help to solve crucial issues such as air pollution because they release low emission if we compare it with other methods.

Word Count: 259

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

transportation: 6

their: 5

there: 4

public: 4

other: 4

congestion: 3

private: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The first body paragraph focuses on health and time-saving benefits of public transport, but the link to reducing traffic congestion and air pollution is not fully explored. The second body paragraph discusses comfort and freedom of private cars, but the examples are not well-developed. The conclusion is clear but could be more decisive. To improve, ensure each main idea is fully extended with specific examples and logical reasoning, and directly address the prompt's focus on traffic congestion and air pollution.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion. However, the flow could be improved by using more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second could be smoother, and the conclusion could more clearly summarize the main points before stating your opinion. Additionally, some ideas are not fully developed, which affects the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic, such as 'highway congestion,' 'enhancing public transportation,' and 'luxury cars.' However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'directly assist in saving citizens' time' (should be 'assists') and 'release low emission' (should be 'low emissions'). To improve, aim for more precise and natural word choices, and ensure subject-verb agreement and correct collocations.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as 'enhancing public transportation directly assist' (should be 'assists'), 'which not available' (should be 'which are not available'), and 'if we compare it with other methods' (could be more concise). Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences are long and could be broken down for better readability. To improve, review subject-verb agreement, article usage, and relative clauses.

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