Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that failure is the key to personal growth, while others think it can permanently damage a person's confidence and success. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is a compromise about failure which is the key of personal growth but others think defeat would permanently damage person’s confidence and success. In my opinion, there should be balance in both sides.

Firstly, your lose can give impulse to change yourself to the better version, failure is not bad, in contrast it is development because you teach on your mistakes and you won’t do them in the future. By the way, when you lose your brain wants to improve this situation by any chance, so it could be good motivation for them to win by next time. For instance there are a lot of CEO of companies which tried 100 tumes to launch their business at the start

On other hand, quite amount of people cannot get through their failure because they spend so much time to do it and they failed. For example, this mostly popular in China because their final exam to graduate the school, it is so important that even their parents would cry if they fail the exam. In addition, there are many people whose confidence is declined because of some failure.

In conclusion, I would prefer to shape yourself from your mistakes and looses because it is the best way to develop yourself and find your disadvantages.

Word Count: 214

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

because: 5

there: 4

their: 4

failure: 3

would: 3

yourself: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks precision. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states an opinion, but the phrasing is awkward. The second paragraph discusses the positive side of failure with a relevant example, but the example is vague and not fully explained. The third paragraph presents the opposing view with a specific example about China, but the connection to the prompt could be clearer. The conclusion restates the opinion but does not summarize the discussion effectively. To improve, focus on developing each point with more specific and detailed support, and ensure that the language is clear and precise. Additionally, work on structuring paragraphs more coherently and using a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. The first body paragraph introduces the idea that failure can motivate improvement, but the example about CEOs is vague and not fully developed. The second body paragraph shifts to a different perspective but lacks a clear topic sentence and smooth transition. The conclusion restates the opinion but does not effectively summarise the discussion. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea, and use linking words (e.g., 'however', 'in contrast', 'therefore') to guide the reader more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at more sophisticated words (e.g., 'impulse', 'development', 'motivation') but also several inaccuracies and awkward choices (e.g., 'compromise' instead of 'debate', 'tumes' instead of 'times', 'looses' instead of 'losses'). The phrasing is often unnatural, such as 'your lose can give impulse to change yourself' and 'quite amount of people'. To improve, expand your vocabulary for discussing growth and failure, use precise and idiomatic expressions, and proofread to avoid spelling errors. Aim for more natural collocations, such as 'personal development', 'build resilience', and 'overcome setbacks'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement ('there are a lot of CEO' should be 'there are a lot of CEOs'), incorrect word forms ('teach on your mistakes' should be 'learn from your mistakes'), and punctuation issues (missing commas and periods). There are also run-on sentences and fragments, such as 'For instance there are a lot of CEO of companies which tried 100 tumes to launch their business at the start' which is incomplete. To improve, focus on sentence structure, use a variety of complex and compound sentences, and ensure each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated. Regular practice with grammar exercises and careful proofreading will help.

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