Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that governments should have access to people's mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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In todays age mobile phones hold a lot of personal information. Some people think that government should be able to look at phone calls, records and messages. Other believe this kind of information is private and should not be accessed without permission. This essay will look at both sides and explain why I think government access should be limited.

Government monitoring can help to keep the public safe. National intelligence can stop serious attacks and can catch criminals from checking by their phone data.

On the other hand allowing too much government can lead towards break down of personal privacy. Every one has right to talk to friends, family and coworkers without the fear of being watched. If the authorities can access calls and messages without permission this power could lead to misused and it is a form of unnecessary surveillance.

In this essay government should not have the access of peoples mobile phone communications. However in cases where crimes and national security are involved government should be authorised to get mobile phone call, records and messages through legal way like a court order.

In conclusion government should be only to have access this kind of power is only for exceptional cases.

Word Count: 202

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

government: 6

should: 6

phone: 4

access: 4

mobile: 3

messages: 3

without: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, which is a strength. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks sufficient support and examples. The discussion of the government's role in safety is very brief and could be expanded with specific examples. The argument about privacy is also underdeveloped. The position is clear but the reasoning could be more precise. The conclusion is somewhat unclear and could be better phrased. To improve, provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point, ensure clear paragraphing, and refine the conclusion to accurately reflect the position. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and it addresses both views. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes unclear due to missing or misused cohesive devices, and the conclusion is abrupt and does not fully summarise the position. The final sentence is also grammatically incomplete, which disrupts the flow. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic, use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'consequently', 'in contrast'), and make the conclusion a complete restatement of your opinion and the main reasons for it.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, with some relevant terms such as 'national intelligence', 'surveillance', and 'court order'. However, there are frequent errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'catch criminals from checking by their phone data', 'break down of personal privacy', 'misused' instead of 'misuse'), and the range of vocabulary is limited. To improve, learn and practise using more precise and natural collocations, and avoid repeating the same words (e.g., 'government', 'access', 'phone'). Reading high-quality opinion articles can help expand your lexical range. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that sometimes impede understanding. These include missing articles (e.g., 'Every one has right' instead of 'Everyone has the right'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'should be only to have access' and 'this power could lead to misused'), and sentence fragments (e.g., the final sentence). Punctuation is also inconsistent. To improve, focus on basic sentence construction, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Practise writing shorter, clearer sentences and proofread your work to eliminate simple errors.

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Band 4+: Some people believe that governments should have access to people's mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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