Opinion

Band 5+: Some people believe that schools should start teaching financial literacy, including topics like taxes, budgeting, and investment, from primary school level. Why is financial education important, and what subjects do you think should be prioritized in such a curriculum?

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

While some people believe that schools should teach financial literacy as a compoulsory subject from a very young age, I personally agree with those who affirm that parents are the ones who should be responsible for this.

I lot of individuals think that making financial literacy a mandatory subject for early aged children will teach them how to manage their budgets effectively. This subject includes budgeting and investing, consequently in the future kids will know how to utilize their money efficiently and how to save them. That is crucial, because nowadays a lot of children don’t mind how they allocate their financial resources which were given by their parents, hence they spend them on unnecessary things. That is why some people assert that children need to acquire knowledge in financial and economic field from young age at school.

However, others believe that this responsibility lies with parent and I agree with that. If financial literacy will take a place in educational system, then students will have less time for other prominent subjects, such as mathematics, science, and literature. Even though financial literacy helps to develop critical thinking, it can lower students’ academic performance by switching their focus on this subject. Consequently, children will start getting bad grades, which will affect their future opportunities in getting high quality education. That is why parents should teach children how to manage their budgets without lowering their academic achievements.

To sum up, there are to views on financial literacy being a compulsory subject at schools. It teaches children from young age how to manage their budgets and investigations. However, I believe that students can learn this from parents, so that they can focused on more important classes.

Word Count: 283

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 9

financial: 7

children: 6

literacy: 5

subject: 5

parents: 4

believe: 3

should: 3

teach: 3

young: 3

manage: 3

budgets: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, which meets the basic requirements of the task. The main ideas are relevant, but the development lacks depth and precision. For example, the argument against school-based financial literacy focuses mainly on time constraints and academic performance, without exploring other potential drawbacks or counterarguments. Additionally, there are some lapses in clarity and expression (e.g., 'investigations' instead of 'investing', 'to views' instead of 'two views'). To improve, aim to extend and support each point with more specific examples or reasoning, and ensure the language is precise and accurate. A more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion would also strengthen the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second could be smoother. The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise. To improve, use clearer topic sentences and linking words to guide the reader through your arguments.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, with some good attempts at using topic-specific terms like 'financial literacy', 'budgeting', and 'investing'. However, there are several errors and awkward choices, such as 'compoulsory' (compulsory), 'I lot of individuals' (a lot of), 'early aged children' (young children), and 'investigations' (investing). The range of vocabulary is limited, and some phrases are repetitive. To improve, expand your vocabulary and use more precise and natural expressions. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. Examples include: 'I lot of individuals' (should be 'A lot of'), 'how to save them' (should be 'how to save it' referring to money), 'If financial literacy will take a place' (should be 'If financial literacy takes place'), 'there are to views' (should be 'two views'), and 'they can focused' (should be 'they can focus'). Sentence structures are mostly simple, with limited use of complex sentences. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and more varied sentence structures.

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