Discussion

Band 5+: Some people believe that the best way to control the rapid growth of big cities is to encourage businesses and factories to move to rural areas. Others, however, argue that this would cause more problems than solutions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals think that the most suitable approach to control rapid growth of sprawling cities is to inspire factories and business campaigns to migrate to countryside. Meanwhile, others believe that because of this action more issues would arise. In this essay I will discuss both views and give my own opinion on this statement.

Advocates of former view believe that encouraging businesses and factories would be solution to the remaining problem of rapid growth, mainly because it would give government a balanced population throughout the country. The problem with overpopulation would be coped because the majority of citizens mainly occupy modern cities in today’s world because of their facilities. Moving businesses to countryside would contribute in building modern facilities for the local residents there, meaning that all individuals there could receive amenities for their livelihood. As a result, more and more people would start to occupy rural areas.

On the other hand, moving businesses and factories would cause environmental problems. Factories produce hazard and chemical emissions into the air which people breathe on a daily basis. It would have devastating effect on individuals’ well-being. Factories produce hazard greenhouse gases which lead to the problem with lungs as well as heart and most of the rural areas lack enough hospitals to treat people, meaning it would remain concerning problem attributed with moving factories and businesses. Thus, migration of factories and campaigns would cause significant health issues.

In my opinion beside the action of encouraging businesses and factories to move to rural areas, governments ought to construct several hospitals in countryside in order to maintain health of citizen who live there. This combined actions would be more beneficial for both advocates.

To conclude, I would like to say that the concept of encouraging businesses and factories is not well- rounded and to get perfect outcome. I think my alternative approach would help to gain balanced benefits for both types of individuals.

Word Count: 319

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

would: 13

factories: 9

businesses: 6

because: 4

problem: 4

individuals: 3

countryside: 3

encouraging: 3

moving: 3

there: 3

people: 3

rural: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, which meets the basic requirements of the task. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The first paragraph on the benefits of moving businesses to rural areas is underdeveloped, and the second paragraph on environmental problems is more detailed but could be better supported with specific examples. The conclusion introduces a new idea (building hospitals) that is not fully integrated into the discussion. To improve, ensure each point is fully extended with clear explanations and examples, and maintain a consistent focus throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references (e.g., 'Advocates of former view' should be 'Advocates of the former view'). The conclusion introduces a new idea (building hospitals) that was not fully developed in the body, which slightly weakens the overall coherence. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected with appropriate linking words.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'rapid growth', 'sprawling cities', 'migrate to countryside', 'chemical emissions'). However, there are several word choice errors and awkward collocations (e.g., 'business campaigns' instead of 'businesses', 'inspire' instead of 'encourage', 'coped' instead of 'addressed', 'hazard' instead of 'hazardous'). The range of vocabulary is limited, and some phrases are repetitive. To improve, expand your vocabulary and use precise, natural collocations. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('it would give government' should be 'it would give the government'), incorrect word forms ('hazard' should be 'hazardous'), and missing articles ('the former view', 'the countryside'). There are also issues with sentence structure, such as run-on sentences and incomplete comparisons. The range of grammatical structures is limited, and errors often impede clarity. To improve, focus on sentence structure, article usage, and proofreading for common mistakes.

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