Opinion

Band 5+: Some people believe that traditional medicines such as herbal medicines or acupuncture are more benefit than modern medicines To what extent do you agree?

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Many people claim that traditional healing methods such as acupuncture treatment or herbal remedies are more useful compare to the contemporary medicines. However, in my opinion, modern medical treatment has greater effectiveness for several key reasons.

One of the significant reasons is early detection through advanced technology. When hospitals have technology such as blood test, mrt scans and other diagnostic tools, individuals have more opportunity to prevent diseases before they become serious. This helps with increasing survival rates and reducing healthcare costs in later. For instance, blood tests can reveal conditions such as diabetes before serious symptoms appear, allowing patients to make actions and prevent further health consequences. Without these opportunities to lead less serious illnesses, people may live a short life with suffering due to diseases.

Another important reason is medical research benefits future generations by creating better treatment and medicines. When scientist conduct medical research, they receive new knowledge about diseases and develop more effective way to cure and prevent them. As a result, the medications may be safer and more diseases might become curable that can save life in the future. For example, researches who create vaccines has allowed physicians to prevent many infectious diseases and protect millions of people worldwide.

In conclusion, I fully agree with idea that modern medicines are more benefit, because it can identify illnesses earlier and save more lives in the future.

Word Count: 230

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

prevent: 4

diseases: 4

people: 3

treatment: 3

medicines: 3

medical: 3

serious: 3

future: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position in favor of modern medicines. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, though some points lack precision (e.g., 'mrt scans' should be 'MRI scans'). The conclusion restates the position. To improve, ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed (e.g., acknowledging traditional medicines' benefits before refuting) and refine language for clarity and accuracy. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some lapses in coherence, such as unclear pronoun references and abrupt transitions. For example, 'This helps with increasing survival rates' could be more clearly linked to the previous sentence. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive (e.g., 'One of the significant reasons', 'Another important reason'). To improve, vary your linking words and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but lacks sophistication and precision. There are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'more benefit' (should be 'more beneficial'), 'make actions' (should be 'take action'), and 'researches who create vaccines' (should be 'researchers who create vaccines'). To improve, use more precise and natural vocabulary, and pay attention to common collocations. For example, instead of 'more useful compare to', use 'more useful than' or 'more beneficial compared to'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include: 'more benefit' (incorrect form), 'compare to' (should be 'compared to'), 'in later' (should be 'later'), 'make actions' (should be 'take action'), 'researches who create vaccines' (subject-verb agreement and word form). There is also inconsistent use of articles and plural forms. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct verb forms, and proper use of articles. Vary sentence structures to include more complex sentences, but ensure they are grammatically correct.

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