Opinion

Band 4+: Some people choose a career according to the social status, or salary. Others choose a career according to their interests. So what do you think is the best to choose your career. Gve reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Amount of people select a career according to tha sallary it will give them and social status. In my point of view, select a career with more guarantee on sabry rather than enjoyable work is the best way. for that reason become realistic and get more guarantee salary for our future, and reach economic freedom.

Firt of all, nowdays getting job and earn money is more dificult, almost everything for our daily needs is not cheap anymore. for that reason get job with high sallary and social status is best option, moreover we can get more stability in financial and saving our money to prepare better live in the future. we have no worries about the monthly income because we have fix sallary, it is very necessary to manage our financial properly.

In addition, reach economic freedom is very important, for the reason, manage our money properly and get guarantee sallary is the key. With more guarantee sallary, we can increase chance to achive our economic stability and freedom. When we getting old, we not productive any more, to solve that issue, the investment and money saving from the past can solve our financial problem, so that is the funtion from manage money properly and get more guarantee salary for our live. Economic freedom cannot be reach if we don’t have proper financial problem, back to reality we work to earn money for all our daily need, we cannot work for having fun, we have to manage our live in the future and it is start with our choice to be realistic.

In conclude, reach economic freedom is our purpose to have no worries in our living, to achive that target, I believe select more guarantee job with salary is the one of most necessary part. Because with proper money management we can live better in the future, with saving and investment from the past, back to truth we working to get money for fillfuul our needs, that’s the essance from working. If we work just with our passions and dont try another something, it is impossible to reach economic freedom. So, select more guarantee job and fix salary with proper finance management will enhance to achive financial freedom in the future.

Word Count: 372

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

money: 8

guarantee: 7

economic: 6

freedom: 6

sallary: 5

future: 5

reach: 5

financial: 5

select: 4

salary: 4

manage: 4

reason: 3

saving: 3

achive: 3

proper: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by presenting a clear position that choosing a career based on salary and stability is best. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity in places. The arguments are repetitive and not sufficiently supported with specific examples or detailed reasoning. To improve, focus on structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph, provide concrete examples to illustrate points, and ensure that each idea is fully explained. Additionally, proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance overall coherence and precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and repetitive points. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes incorrect (e.g., 'for that reason', 'in addition', 'in conclude'). To improve, use a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., 'furthermore', 'moreover', 'consequently') and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clear topic sentences. The conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with frequent errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., 'sallary' for 'salary', 'sabry' for 'salary', 'achive' for 'achieve', 'fillfuul' for 'fulfill'). There is some attempt to use topic-specific terms like 'economic freedom' and 'financial stability', but the range is limited. To improve, learn and practice using a wider variety of synonyms and collocations related to careers and finance (e.g., 'remuneration', 'prestige', 'job satisfaction', 'financial security'). Also, proofread carefully to eliminate spelling mistakes. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'Amount of people select'), incorrect verb tenses, missing articles, and sentence fragments. Punctuation is often missing or misused. While some complex sentences are attempted, they are often grammatically flawed. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, subject-verb agreement, and the use of articles. Practice writing a variety of sentence types (simple, compound, complex) and review punctuation rules. Consider using grammar-checking tools and seeking feedback on your writing.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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