Discussion

Band 6+: . Some people say that mobile phones should not be used in public places such as buses, trains, restaurants and cinemas. Others say that people should be able to use mobile phones anywhere. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays using mobile phones have become an important part of modern life . Some people believe that mobile phones should not be used in public places like buses , trains and cinemas. However , others think people should be free to use them anywhere.

On the one hand , many people know that using phone in public places can disturb others.For example, talking loudly on the phone in a train or bus may annoy people who want to relax or enjoy a quite journey. In cinemas , the sound can interrupt people who are watching a movie. Because of this , some people believe there should be rules to limit mobile phone use in the public areas .

On the other hand , supporters of mobile phones argue that the are useful and nassary in everydag life . People may need to make an urgent call , reply to an important messenge or contact family member in an emergency. Mobile phones also help people use maps , listen to music or check information while travelling. Therofe, banning phones completely in public places may not be practical.

In my opinion, people should be allowed to use mobile phones in public, but they should use them responsibly. If they want to watch something on the bus, they can just use headphones so that no sound comes out and they don’t disturb people.

In conclusion, although mobile phones can sometimes disturb people in public places, they are an important tool in modern society. I believe they should be allowed as long as they are used respect for others.

Word Count: 265

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 10

mobile: 7

phones: 7

should: 6

public: 6

places: 4

important: 3

believe: 3

phone: 3

disturb: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly discussed both viewpoints - the potential for disturbance and the necessity of mobile phones for practical reasons - and provided a clear personal opinion. The position is consistent throughout the response. To improve and reach a higher band, aim to expand more deeply on your supporting ideas. For instance, in the paragraph discussing the benefits of mobile phones, you could further elaborate on how technology integrates into daily productivity to provide more 'extension' to your points. Additionally, while the ideas are clear, paying closer attention to minor spelling errors (e.g., 'nassary', 'everydag', 'messenge', 'therofe') and subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'using mobile phones have become') would polish the overall quality.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear progression of ideas. You have used standard transition signals such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' effectively to guide the reader. To improve, try to use more sophisticated cohesive devices and ensure that the connection between sentences within paragraphs is even more seamless. The paragraphing is logical and follows the requirements of the task.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic and allows for clear communication of your ideas. However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'nassary', 'everydag', 'messenge', 'Therofe', 'quite' instead of 'quiet') and some repetitive phrasing. To reach a higher band, aim to use a wider range of academic vocabulary and ensure that spelling is accurate throughout the text. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

You demonstrate a good ability to use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent minor errors that prevent a higher score. For example, subject-verb agreement issues ('using mobile phones have become' should be 'has become') and prepositional/word form errors ('used respect for others' should be 'used with respect for others'). Focus on refining your control over grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and word forms.

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Band 6+: . Some people say that mobile phones should not be used in public places such as buses, trains, restaurants and cinemas. Others say that people should be able to use mobile phones anywhere. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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