Discussion

Band 4+: Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Most of the individuals claims that all lawbreakers should be punished by sending them to prison, at the same time, others believe that there are better ways for people who made some crimes which are unworthy. For instance, giving them opportunity to work for local community.

On the one hand, everyone who made some crime should get punishment even it is miner theft. However, it is actually can help for people who cannot find a work, and it will be better for all. For example, that people will help to clean their city and it helps to solve another big problem, and in the same time the people who got that punishment can earn some money.

On the other hand, people think all lawbreakers should be punished by sending them to prison, which will be as an example for other thiefs. According to the research by Andriew Cole shows that in 1890 year most of the kings made a rules against thiefs. They said that every lawbreaker should be punished by cutting their hand even if they stole an apple. As a result, in that countries there were no thefts during the king’s reign.

Overall, all thefts should be punished because it is harmfull for all, but the punishment should be according to their crime. Even if that people will work for local community, they will still do this kind of crimes. The punishment as force them to pay some value of money according to their minor crime will be better.

Word Count: 251

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

should: 6

people: 6

punished: 4

punishment: 4

their: 4

better: 3

crime: 3

according: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the ideas presented lack clarity and sufficient development. The examples provided are not always relevant or well-explained. To improve, focus on providing clearer explanations and more specific examples to support your points. Also, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and consistently supported throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow. The ideas are not well-connected, and the paragraphing is not effective. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transition words to improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and sometimes inaccurate. There are instances of incorrect word choice and imprecise language. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more precise and varied language. Pay attention to collocations and the appropriate use of words in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and incorrect use of articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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