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Band 4+: Some people think governments should spend money looking for life on other planets, while others believe that there are many unsolved problems on Earth. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Some people think that the government should allocate more funds on researching on other planets while others think that spending money on Earth is more important. However, spending money on exploring other planets allow for research into new habitats and aliens and aliens may help us to develop on countries, spending money on Earth development is more important because improvement of countries will be useful on protecting citizens from war.

On the one hand, allocating money on exploring new planets helps to find new habitats including aliens or exploring in new planet helps us develop the Earth. For explanation, If our governments spend money on researching aliens and our scientists find aliens who have more intelligence, more technological knowledge, May help to improve our Earth or even change our daily routine with aliens’ technological knowledge. For example, At the end of the 20 the century, one group of scientists sent abundant signals to galaxy, after 2 days new unusual signals were received from galaxy and these signals show that unexplored planets and habitats exist in the galaxy and they have enough knowledge to sending signals. In my opinion, exploring new planet is very dangerous for humanity, because, aliens may be more aggressive or evil.

On the other hand, spending money on Earth development is more crucial due to the threats of war disease. Because, currently, the world is divided into some big countries and if they do some critical thing each other big wars may start or even 3 world war may start. For deeper explanation, If one of the big country start exploring new planets. Another country also start exploring and exploring may change to competition or even war. For example, in the past launching on moon was even been competition. America and USSR astronauts compete each other. In my opinion, I totally agree with this point. Reason is that, Currently world is full of problems such as pollution, disease and even war. Therefore, I disagree.

In conclusion, Some people believe that countries should spend their money on exploring planets while others think government should spend money on develop of Earth. Even though, spending money on exploring new planets may create communicate with aliens or even help to develop, spending money on improvement of Earth is more crucial due to of global problems including war.

Word Count: 386

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

money: 10

exploring: 9

planets: 7

earth: 7

aliens: 7

spending: 6

other: 5

develop: 4

countries: 4

signals: 4

start: 4

think: 3

should: 3

habitats: 3

because: 3

spend: 3

knowledge: 3

galaxy: 3

world: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear opinion, which is a positive step. However, the development of ideas is inconsistent and sometimes lacks logical clarity. For instance, the connection between space exploration and the risk of war is presented, but the reasoning is somewhat circular and difficult to follow. Additionally, there are several instances where the writer's position becomes confusing; for example, in the second body paragraph, you state you 'totally agree' with the importance of Earth development, but then immediately follow it with 'Therefore, I disagree,' which contradicts your previous stance. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Logical Cohesion:** Ensure that each sentence follows logically from the previous one. Avoid contradictory statements within the same paragraph. 2. **Idea Development:** Instead of introducing many different ideas (aliens, technology, war, disease, pollution) in a brief manner, choose one or two main points per paragraph and expand on them deeply with clear explanations. 3. **Clarity of Position:** Make sure your opinion is consistent throughout the essay. If you believe spending on Earth is more important, your conclusion and your body paragraphs should all reinforce this single stance without confusion. 4. **Grammar and Sentence Structure:** Work on subject-verb agreement and the use of articles to improve the overall flow and readability.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay struggles with logical progression and paragraph structure. While you attempt to use transition signals like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand,' the internal logic of the sentences is often difficult to follow. For instance, the introduction contains several ideas merged into one long, confusing sentence. To improve, ensure each paragraph has one clear central topic sentence, and use cohesive devices (like 'Furthermore,' 'Consequently,' or 'In contrast') to link ideas logically rather than just listing them. Avoid starting sentences with 'Because' in formal writing; instead, connect those clauses to the preceding sentence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is quite limited and repetitive. Words like 'aliens,' 'exploring,' and 'money' are used excessively. There are also issues with word choice and collocation, such as 'develop on countries' or 'create communicate with aliens.' To reach a higher band, try to use synonyms (e.g., instead of 'spending money,' use 'allocating resources' or 'financial investment'; instead of 'aliens,' use 'extraterrestrial life'). Focus on learning collocations - words that naturally go together - to make your phrasing sound more natural. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede communication. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'exploring... allow' should be 'allows'), incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'allocate more funds on' should be 'to'), and fragmented sentences. There is also a lack of control over complex sentence structures. I recommend practicing basic sentence construction and focusing on the correct use of articles and prepositions. Aim to write shorter, clearer sentences before attempting very long, complex ones to ensure accuracy.

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