Discussion

Band 5+: some people think that all schools should require children to learn how to play a musical instrument. other believe that music si a waste of time and that schools should focus on more useful subjects such as science and math discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Some individuals consider that children should be required to learn a musical instrument in school, while others believe this is a waste of time and resources. Both of this arguments have a positive idea however i think that learning musical instrument from childhood is better.

On the one hand, some people consider that chidren should be required to learn musical instrument in school. There are a lot of reasons why they believe to this idea. The first reason it gives them opportunity to be public person among their friends. For instance a lot of people who can play at musical instrument is known in university because they play in the exhibition which is often conducted by university. The second reason it improves discipline of school students because it is argued that learning a musical intrument is made people well disciplined.

On the other hand, individuals believe this is a waste of time and resources. There are also a lot of reasons. Firstly, some people give up to play at musical instrument and it leads to waste of their time. For example many people tend to give up to play at musical instrument after school because time is limited for playing. Secondly, some school students do not have a inspiration to learn musical intrument at school. I think that students should have desire to learn. Students tend to go to learn musical instruments because it impacts to their grades but theirs skiils are not improved.

I believe that children should be required to learn a musical instrument in school is waste of time but i consider that children should be required to learn a musical instrument in school is better idea.

Word Count: 280

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

musical: 11

instrument: 8

school: 8

learn: 7

should: 5

people: 5

required: 4

believe: 4

waste: 4

because: 4

students: 4

consider: 3

children: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a position, but the development is limited and sometimes unclear. The introduction states an opinion but the conclusion contradicts it, causing confusion. Main ideas are relevant but lack depth and are not well supported with specific examples or explanations. There is also some repetition and a lack of focus in the supporting points. To improve, ensure a clear and consistent position throughout, develop each point with more detailed reasoning and examples, and avoid contradictory statements.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the conclusion is confusing and contradicts the introduction, which undermines the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'Both of this arguments have a positive idea however i think...'). Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively managed to separate ideas clearly. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the conclusion logically follows from the arguments presented.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition (e.g., 'musical instrument' is used repeatedly). There are attempts at using less common words (e.g., 'exhibition', 'discipline'), but some are used inaccurately (e.g., 'public person' instead of 'well-known' or 'popular'). Spelling errors (e.g., 'chidren', 'intrument', 'skiils') and incorrect word choices (e.g., 'inspiration' instead of 'motivation') affect clarity. To improve, expand your vocabulary range and ensure precise word choice. Use synonyms and paraphrase to avoid repetition. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Both of this arguments have'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'is made people well disciplined'), and missing articles (e.g., 'learn musical instrument' instead of 'learn a musical instrument'). There are also issues with sentence structure, such as run-on sentences and fragments. The range of grammatical structures is limited, with a heavy reliance on simple sentences. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, and practice using a variety of complex sentence structures.

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