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Band 5+: Successful companies uses ads to make more sales. What can make an ad effective? Do you think ads are a bad thing or a good thing for society?

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Nowadays, advertasings have become a central point for big companies to increase their earns. . To achieve outstanding results, it is needed to have a great sense of creativity that can distinguish the product from similar ones. However, I personally do not support these strategies because they often induce individuals to buy unnecessary objects against their will, by using psychological mechanisms and creating a society based on consumism.

Companies who desire to promote in the best way possible their product or service, are required to come up with original ideas that can point out the importance of their offert, rather than others. This marketing strategy in based on brain functionalities on which we tend to think that the stuff that more catch our attention, is always the more convenient option, even if it is not. Through this cognitive bias, people will be uncounsciouslly compeled to buy it. For instace, between one tv program and another, spots that are more creative, remaine in consumer’s mind for a longer period. As a result custumers, will end up purchasing the object thanks to this mechanism.

Despite the brilliant efficiency of these campains, I don’t sustain these methods due to their lack of ethical principals related to the mental influence that they have on individuals. Corporations select the best psychologysts and financial marketing specilists to create advertinisg that have the ability to penetrate in people’s brain and innest the need to buy products. The main outcome of this action is a shared necessity to constantly buy bran new useless objects, simply because we have the instinct to purchase, even though it is just an illusion. For example, every home is filled with stuff we often are not even aware to own such as the last release of Ikea, or the new novel collection of a foreign and unknown author.

To conclude, large companies use daily advertising to promote their offerts. Even tough, to create them effectively it is required a different viewpoint, they influence us to buy without we can even realize it.

Word Count: 339

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 6

these: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt: it discusses what makes an advertisement effective and presents a clear position on whether advertising is good or bad for society. The position is that advertising is bad due to its manipulative nature. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The first body paragraph explains the importance of creativity and cognitive bias, but the explanation is not fully developed. The second body paragraph criticizes advertising for its psychological influence, but the example is vague. There are also issues with clarity and coherence due to numerous spelling and grammatical errors, which affect the overall readability. To improve, focus on developing each idea with more specific examples and clearer explanations, and ensure the essay is well-organized with clear topic sentences. Additionally, proofread to reduce errors and improve sentence structure.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented in a logical order, and the argument is easy to follow. However, there are some issues with cohesion, such as abrupt transitions between ideas and occasional unclear referencing. For example, the link between the cognitive bias explanation and the TV spot example could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effectively tied back to the main points. To improve, use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in contrast', 'as a result') and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that connects to the overall argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts at less common words (e.g., 'cognitive bias', 'psychological mechanisms', 'consumism'). However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'advertasings', 'earns', 'offert', 'instace', 'custumers', 'campains', 'psychologysts', 'specilists', 'advertinisg', 'innest', 'bran new', 'offerts') and some awkward word choices (e.g., 'central point', 'catch our attention', 'sustain these methods'). These errors detract from the overall lexical quality. To improve, focus on accurate spelling and more precise vocabulary. For example, use 'advertising' instead of 'advertasings', 'profits' instead of 'earns', and 'persuade' instead of 'induce'. Also, consider using more sophisticated collocations and phrases to enhance the naturalness of the language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some subordinate clauses. However, there are numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('advertasings have become'), incorrect verb forms ('is needed to have'), missing articles ('a great sense of creativity'), and punctuation errors (e.g., double periods, missing commas). There are also run-on sentences and fragments. To improve, review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tense consistency. Additionally, practice using a wider range of structures, such as conditional sentences and passive voice, with greater accuracy. Proofreading for punctuation and sentence boundaries will also help.

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