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Band 4+: The arts, including art, music, and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in the school curriculum?

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In recent years, the importance of the arts in society has become a hot topic of debate.This essay will answers the questions of nowadays the arts still play a role in modern life and if they should be included in the school schedule

From my perspective,the arts have a significant place in this modern lifestyle. It might be connected with a person. Firstly, how we know arts or something else, helps people reduce stress. Which is really essential in our fast-paced world.Moreover,music,film and painting heals the soul. For instance,during depressive phases,music and arts can help them, because it holds a part of the artist’s soul.

In my point of view, this trend is largely positive because it is not a high topic in my hometown. In the community we have among quantity teenagers who desired to be into creative work,but they cannot. Moreover this situation has negative consequences,and also leads to the decline of Kazakhstan.For example,the majority of teenagers in Kazakhstan choose practical careers such as accounting or finance,because they believe work can always be found there. Yet,with this way,they forget what their soul wants-art,which is slowly being forgotten in our society.

In conclusion,the arts still play a big place in our modern community. I strongly believe they should be part of the school curriculum, as they develop creativity and open new opportunities for young people.

Word Count: 226

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Overall Band Score

4.5

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

modern: 3

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Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the connections between your points and the questions asked. Also, ensure that your arguments are logically structured and easy to follow. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas is not always logical. The introduction attempts to address the task but lacks a clear thesis statement. The body paragraphs contain ideas that are loosely connected, and the examples provided are not always effectively linked to the main points. The conclusion summarizes the main points but does not provide a strong sense of closure. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph, using transition words to connect ideas, and ensuring that all examples and evidence directly support the main arguments.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies in word choice and usage. There is a reliance on simple vocabulary, and the essay lacks sophisticated or nuanced language. To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary through reading and exposure to a variety of texts. Pay attention to the precise meaning and usage of words, and practice incorporating new vocabulary into your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. These errors significantly affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to common errors and work on correcting them through targeted exercises and feedback.

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