Opinion

Band 4+: The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

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There is a common view that school curriculums should provide more physical lessons.I completely agree with this view because it health problems starts from childhood and it would provide them to change their perspective for healthy meals.Also it would help them to reduce their time on phones.

One major reason is that health problems like obesity starts from an early age.The reason for that is what you eat.A good example of this is things that they drink like coke.Someone should teach them how to have healthy body and how to have healthy lifestyle and the best example is schools.As a result, they will learn how to live healthy.

Another major reason is that children will decrease their time on phones.This is mainly because when children look at their phones or computers too much it makes them to stay at home and not to walk outside.One clear example for this is that they will become intreverted while being at social media too much.As a result they will learn to live without phones.

In conclusion, I completly agree that people should start to learn about healthy lifestyle from an early age.This is because if they will not learn harmful sides of unhealthy body in school ,they will become very ill at early state of life.

Word Count: 213

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 4

healthy: 4

learn: 4

should: 3

because: 3

reason: 3

early: 3

example: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position of agreement. It provides two main ideas: the importance of early education on healthy lifestyles and the reduction of screen time. However, the development of these ideas is limited and lacks depth and specific support. The first paragraph contains a grammatical error ('it health problems starts') and the argument is somewhat repetitive. The second paragraph introduces a relevant point but the connection to physical education lessons is not fully explained. The conclusion is brief and does not summarize the main points effectively. To improve, develop each idea with more detailed explanations and examples, ensure grammatical accuracy, and strengthen the link between physical education and the health issues mentioned in the prompt. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between sentences. For example, the link between the first body paragraph's focus on diet and the second body paragraph's focus on screen time is not explicitly connected to the main argument. To improve, use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition') and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly supports the thesis. Also, the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition (e.g., 'healthy' appears multiple times). There are also errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'intreverted' (likely meant 'introverted') and 'harmful sides' (better: 'harmful effects'). To improve, expand your vocabulary related to health and education, and use more precise and varied terms. For instance, instead of 'healthy lifestyle', you could use 'a balanced diet and regular exercise'. Also, avoid informal phrases like 'coke' and use more formal alternatives like 'sugary beverages'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('health problems starts'), incorrect verb forms ('it would provide them to change'), and missing articles ('from an early age' should be 'from an early age'). There are also punctuation issues, like missing commas and run-on sentences. To improve, practice using a wider range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and review basic grammar rules. For example, correct the sentence 'This is because if they will not learn harmful sides of unhealthy body in school ,they will become very ill at early state of life.' to 'This is because if they do not learn about the harmful effects of an unhealthy lifestyle in school, they may become very ill at an early stage of life.'

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Band 4+: The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

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