Positive And Negative

Band 4+: Today more people put their private information (address, telephone and plastic card numbers) online to do their daily activities (banking, shopping, socializing). Is it a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays ,many peple share their personal data online ,including their names ,phone number and credit card numbers in order to do daily activities like banking ,shopping and communication. While this trend has somebenefits ,I believe it is a negative development because it can lead to serious security and privacy problems.

One major drawbacks of putting private information online is the risk of data theft.Hackers can easily accesses personal detail such as bank crad numbers or hom adresses,which may result in financial loss .For example,many people have losed money due to online scams and cybercrime.

Another negative aspect is the lack of privacy.When individuals share their information online ,companies may collect and use this data without clear permission.This can make people feel unsafe and uncomfortable, as their personal lives are no longer fully protected.

In conclusion ,although sharing parsnal information online makes daily activities more convinient ,I strongly believe it is undesirable change .The risks related to security and privacy outweigh the advantages.

Word Count: 162

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

online: 5

their: 4

personal: 3

information: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the potential consequences of data theft and privacy breaches. Consider discussing counterarguments (benefits of online activity) and refuting them to strengthen your position. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and attempts to structure the argument logically. However, the connection between ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument effortlessly. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to improve the flow.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, but it lacks precision and sophistication. There are instances of repetitive word choice (e.g., 'information,' 'online'). To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and explore synonyms to express ideas more accurately. Focus on using more specific and nuanced language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Errors in verb tense ('have losed'), subject-verb agreement, and article usage are present. Sentence structure is relatively simple, and there's limited use of complex sentence structures. To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing a variety of sentence structures.

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Band 4+: Today more people put their private information (address, telephone and plastic card numbers) online to do their daily activities (banking, shopping, socializing). Is it a positive or negative development?

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Lexical Resource

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Essays On The Same Topic:

Today more people put their private information (address, telephone and plastic card numbers) online to do their daily activities (banking, shopping, socializing). Is it a positive or negative development?

Today more people put their private information (address, telephone and plastic card numbers) online to do their daily activities (banking, shopping, socializing). Is it a positive or negative development?

Today more people put their private information (address, telephone and plastic card numbers) online to do their daily activities (banking, shopping, socializing). Is it a positive or negative development?

Today more people put their private information (address, telephone and plastic card numbers) online to do their daily activities (banking, shopping, socializing). Is it a positive or negative development?

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