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Band 5+: Why do people become overweight? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Nowadays, a lot of individuals become obese comparing to the past. The main reasons behind this are consuming junk products and sedentary lifestyle. However, this situation can be changed for the better by following healthy diet and spending time for sports.

One of the reasons is eating fast food products daily, now we have a lot of places and types of this kind of food. It is everywhere and sometimes can be cheaper and faster to made compared to restaurants, Also, many people live sedentary lifestyle and this cause serious health problems such as overweight, heart problems and sometimes depression. For example, KFC cooks everything without waiting the orders to have time to prepare everything on time and not receive complaints and not spoil image.

However, this situation can be changed for the better by doing exercises daily and following healthy diet. In addition, eating feat products with checking calories such as eda.ai is the best way to loss weight and maintain it. Moreover, another solution is people may spend time on doing activities or sports which they like, it is really helpful and exciting because in one moment you are losing the weight and enjoying your time. For instance, blogger with 150kg everyday posted a video how he plays football and shows the skills that he learned. After 100 days he lost more than 45 kilograms with just playing what he likes.

To conclude, many people are getting obese than in the past. This can be attributed to consumption fast food products and live inactive lifestyle, whereas this situation can be tackled through eating healthy products and spending time on exercises.

Word Count: 272

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

products: 5

lifestyle: 3

situation: 3

healthy: 3

eating: 3

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying causes (fast food and sedentary lifestyle) and proposing solutions (diet and exercise). A position is clear throughout the response. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, the example regarding KFC focuses more on business efficiency than on how it contributes to obesity, which slightly misses the logical connection required for a higher score. Additionally, some ideas are presented somewhat superficially. To improve, try to extend your explanations by explaining *why* or *how* a cause leads to the problem (e.g., explaining that fast food is high in calories and fats). Ensure that examples are directly relevant to the argument being made to maintain focus and precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs is sometimes abrupt. For instance, the example regarding KFC's preparation speed feels slightly disconnected from the core argument about obesity. To improve, ensure that every example directly supports the main point of the paragraph and use a wider variety of cohesive devices (linking words) to connect sentences more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the basic meaning, but it is quite repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are several instances of imprecise word choices, such as 'junk products' instead of 'processed foods' or 'feat products' (which appears to be a typo for 'healthy products'). To reach a higher band, aim to use more academic collocations and synonyms to avoid repeating words like 'products,' 'people,' and 'lifestyle' too frequently. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage (e.g., 'live sedentary lifestyle' should be 'live a sedentary lifestyle'), and sentence structure (e.g., 'cheaper and faster to made'). There are also run-on sentences where two independent clauses are joined only by a comma. Focus on mastering basic sentence structures, correct verb forms, and the use of articles to improve clarity and accuracy.

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