Opinion

Band 5+: You are looking for a part time job at football club. Write a letter to a manger at the football club. -Introduce yourself -Explain what experience and special skills you have -Tell him when you think you could start

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Dear Sir,

I am Divya. I have completed my Bachelor in physical education and I am pursuing my Diploma in Mental health through online courses. I have been working as a sports teacher since my high school graduation. Significantly, I pay attention to teach kids health and fitness.

Primarily, I was a national level football player during my high school. After my graduation, I got promptly placed as a part time football teacher in the same school at an intermediate level. Despite my football skills, I am expertise in teaching “how to tackle the incensed kids with exercise”. Additionally, I learned Tennis and played in inter level school competition. After my Bachelor degree, I joined in Lakeview School as a Physical health teacher for a full time position and so far I have trained almost 150-200 students.

I certainly believe, that I could join on 1st of February. As the posting says part time, I would dedicate myself, if I will be hired my your club. Definitely, I will be a better coach and acquire new skills as an add on.

Sincerely,

Divya.

Word Count: 183

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

school: 5

health: 3

teacher: 3

level: 3

football: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

5.5

The letter sufficiently addresses all parts of the task. The introduction is clear, the experience and special skills are well explained, and the availability to start is mentioned. However, it would be better to address the manager by name if possible, and to include a closing phrase such as 'Thank you for considering my application.' The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

4.5

The letter has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The central topic within each body paragraph is evident. However, there could be better use of linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve overall coherence.

Lexical Resource

4.5

The language used is mostly formal, but there are some instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. More varied and accurate vocabulary could be used to enhance the overall lexical resource.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

4.5

There are some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures present. It would be beneficial to use a wider range of sentence structures and ensure greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation.

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