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Band 5+: The maps below show the changes that have take place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construction in 1960.

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Image for topic: The maps below show the changes that have take place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construction in 1960.

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The image depicts three maps showing development from 1960 to 2000; in 1960, adjacent to Main Road, were a Shopping Centre north of a Car Park, a Hospital adjacent to both; south of the Hospital was Farmland, by 1980, Cancer Centre and Pharmacy replaced the Shopping Centre with the Hospital intact, a new Nursing School to the south took over Farmland; by 2000, Cancer Centre expanded southward replacing the Nursing School which moved westward into Farming land, a new building was constructed for a Pharmacy north of the Cancer Centre, the Hospital remained constant throughout with Car Park unchanged.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The diagram shows the area of Queen Mary Hospital at three different stages in its development. As can be observed from the map, Queen Mary hospital was almost totally transformed with more facilities and amendities.

As can be observed from the map, shopping centre was demolished to make way for building cancer centre and pharmacy which witness the growth in moderniztions to support the faciltites for hospital in 1980. During this time, the Nursing school was built more and replaced the farmland. In contrast, the hospital and the car park was remained unchanged in this time.

Regarding the map in 2000, the cancer centre increased in size and accounted the place of nursing school to support more the amedities of hospital while pharmacy and hospital were remained constant. However, the car park decreased in size one in two than in the past to have place to rebuilt the nursing school for education.

Word Count: 152

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

hospital: 6

centre: 3

nursing: 3

school: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately covers the main changes to the hospital area over the given time period. The description of the changes is generally clear, although there are some inaccuracies. To improve, ensure that all details are accurate and that the language used is precise.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize information, but the flow could be improved. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. The organization is generally clear, but some sentences feel somewhat disconnected. For example, the transition between the 1980 and 2000 descriptions could be smoother. Paragraphing is acceptable but could be more skillfully managed to enhance clarity.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there's room for improvement in terms of range and precision. While the report conveys the main points, using more specific and varied vocabulary could enhance the description. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'remained constant,' explore synonyms like 'unchanged,' 'preserved,' or 'maintained.' Also, 'amendities' is a misspelling of 'amenities.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. For example, 'which witness the growth in moderniztions' is grammatically awkward and unclear. Similarly, 'accounted the place of nursing school' is not idiomatic English. Focus on using a wider range of sentence structures with greater accuracy. Pay close attention to verb tense consistency and correct word order. Proofreading carefully for errors in grammar and punctuation is essential.

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