Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: question:As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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In recent years, some authorities are encouraging to relocate major city areas into rural places as the conditions of life are getting worse in many urban areas. This manner of decentralization could reduce the pressure of urban life and enhances the general health of city dwellers; however, drawbacks such as scarcity of skilled labors and overpricing should be taken into account, while I believe that this change affects positively for city life.

Daunting as the challenge may appear, a number of practical measures could substantially mitigate it. Through moving major businesses into out-of-city places, urban congestion can be mitigated significantly, making the city less dense. Specifically, if major urban areas such as universities, factories, and governmental headquarters moves into rural places, certain part of the population would commute to their works without making the city overpopulated. By doing so, it becomes possible to improve air quality as there are less emissions released by vehicles every day which leads to enhanced health of the citizens. Moreover, this way automatically reduces the vibrance and the natural heat of the city noticeably. This would ensure that the city becomes cooler and more comfortable to walk through.

On the other hand, such kind of movement has also several disadvantages to offer. First prime drawback is the lack of skilled workers in the city. This not only affects the city alone, but also could be a financial burden for the workers. To be specific, their every day money expenditure increases because of the commitment of the workers to their jobs. Moreover, lack of skilled employees makes the city’s production of goods less than before and overpricing could be observed with it. Namely, if there are less products in the city, authorities import the goods from other cities at higher costs which effects adversely to the city economy.

In conclusion, moving the businesses into rural areas can mitigate the pressure and enhance the health of the residents, whereas this manner could be a financial burden for everyone, which is not enough to outweigh the benefits.

Word Count: 339

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

could: 5

areas: 4

urban: 4

major: 3

rural: 3

places: 3

health: 3

skilled: 3

their: 3

which: 3

workers: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a position, but there is a significant inconsistency between the introduction and the conclusion. In the introduction, you state that you believe the change 'affects positively for city life,' implying the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, your conclusion states that the disadvantages are 'not enough to outweigh the benefits,' which is a contradictory way of saying the disadvantages are greater, or at least creates confusion regarding your final stance. To improve, ensure your position is consistent throughout the entire essay. Additionally, some ideas lack logical precision; for example, the argument that moving businesses to rural areas causes a 'lack of skilled workers in the city' is slightly confusing - it is actually the rural areas that would lack the skilled workforce. Focus on clearly linking the cause (relocation) to the effect (economic or social impact) to ensure your supporting arguments are logically sound.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is a significant contradiction between the introduction and the conclusion regarding the writer's stance. In the introduction, you state that the change 'affects positively,' but the conclusion states the disadvantages are 'not enough to outweigh the benefits' (which actually implies the disadvantages are greater or equal, creating confusion). Ensure your position is consistent throughout. Additionally, some cohesive devices are used somewhat mechanically; try to use more varied transitions to link ideas more naturally.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'decentralization,' 'urban congestion,' 'mitigate,' 'overpopulated'). However, there are several instances of imprecise word choices and collocations. For example, 'relocate major city areas' is inaccurate as you are relocating businesses, not the areas themselves. 'Vibrance' and 'natural heat' are also slightly awkward in this context. Aim for more precise academic collocations to improve the sophistication of your writing.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

While you attempt a variety of complex sentence structures (such as starting sentences with 'Daunting as the challenge may appear'), there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'headquarters moves' should be 'headquarters move'), incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'affects positively for'), and word form errors (e.g., 'less products' should be 'fewer products'). Pay close attention to countable vs. uncountable nouns and ensure that your verb tenses remain consistent.

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Task Response

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Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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