Bar Chart

Band 5+: 📆 15 ОСТОВЕR 📊TASK 1: The chart below gives information about adults with education at high school level in six countries in 2010.

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The image displays a horizontal bar chart with a vertical axis labeled 'COUNTRY' and a horizontal axis labeled 'Percentage' scaled from 0 to 120. The chart compares two categories, '55-64 Year-Olds' and '25-34 Year-Olds', for six countries. The percentage values are as follows: Germany (55-64 Year-Olds: 84%, 25-34 Year-Olds: 88%), USA (55-64 Year-Olds: 90%, 25-34 Year-Olds: 88%), Russia (55-64 Year-Olds: 68%, 25-34 Year-Olds: 94%), S.Korea (55-64 Year-Olds: 44%, 25-34 Year-Olds: 98%), Brazil (55-64 Year-Olds: 28%, 25-34 Year-Olds: 52%), and China (55-64 Year-Olds: 8%, 25-34 Year-Olds: 22%).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates information about adults with education at high school level in six countries in 2010.

Generally speaking, number of adults with education who was aged 25-34 at high school were the highest in South Korea whereas number of adults with high education who aged 55 – 64 were the highest in the USA.

Moving on to the details, German adults who aged 25-34 with high education at school accounted for just over 80% whereas German adults with high education at school who aged 55-64 accounted for approximately 88%. American adults who aged 25-34 with high education at school made up just under 92% whereas American adults with high education at school who aged 55-64 made up about 88%. Russian adults who aged 25-34 with high education at school occured just over 68% whereas Russian adults with high education at school who aged 55-64 occured roughly 92%.

Regarding other countries, South Korean adults who aged 25-34 with high education at school secured just under 44% whereas South Korean adults with high education at school who aged 55-64 secured just under 100%. Brazilian adults who aged 25-34 with high education at school accounted for just over 24% whereas Brazilian adults with high education at school who aged 55-64 accounted for around 52%. Chinese adults who aged 25-34 with high education at school made up just under 12% whereas Chinese adults with high education at school who aged 55-64 made up about 20%.

Word Count: 243

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

adults: 15

education: 15

school: 14

25-34: 7

whereas: 7

55-64: 6

accounted: 4

under: 4

about: 3

south: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task and presents an overall comparison, but it contains several inaccuracies in the data and some confusion in the description of age groups. For example, the percentages for Germany, the USA, Russia, South Korea, Brazil, and China are often reversed or incorrectly stated. Additionally, the phrasing 'adults who aged 25-34' is awkward and should be 'adults aged 25-34'. To improve, ensure that the data is accurately reported and that the language is clear and precise. Focus on describing the main trends and key differences without getting bogged down in minor details.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction, an overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, the flow is disrupted by frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which make the message harder to follow. The use of cohesive devices is limited, and the repetition of similar sentence structures for each country becomes monotonous. To improve, vary sentence openings and use a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., 'in contrast', 'similarly', 'while') to enhance readability. Also, ensure that the overview clearly highlights the most significant trends, and consider grouping countries with similar patterns to improve paragraphing.

Lexical Resource

The report uses some appropriate vocabulary for describing data (e.g., 'accounted for', 'made up', 'just over', 'roughly'), but the range is limited and there is noticeable repetition. Some word choices are inaccurate or unnatural (e.g., 'occured' instead of 'was', 'secured' instead of 'accounted for'). To achieve a higher score, use a wider variety of precise terms (e.g., 'constituted', 'represented', 'stood at') and avoid informal or incorrect expressions. Also, ensure that the language is formal and academic throughout, and avoid awkward phrases like 'adults with education at high school level' by using more natural collocations such as 'adults who had completed high school education'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'was aged' instead of 'were aged', 'occured' instead of 'occurred'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. Punctuation is also inconsistent. These errors significantly affect clarity and accuracy. To improve, focus on using correct past tense forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Practice constructing complex sentences with relative clauses and comparatives, and proofread carefully to eliminate basic errors. A wider range of grammatical structures, such as passive voice and conditional forms, would also enhance the report.

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