Letter

Band 6+: 1. Write a letter to local authorities for requesting additional sports facilities for your age group in your area. • Mention about the current sports facilities available • What kind of additional sports facilities should be introduced • How the new sports facilities would be a help for the people in your age group

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to request that you add some new conveniences to our local sports centre.

Last year, dedicating a huge amount of budget to equip the gym was so helpful for local residents, and nowadays, they are utilizing the modern treadmills, various weights, and cozy café with healthy dishes which are located at the centre of the gym.

However, many parents have expressed that their offspring do not have any open green space to play, so it is crucial to allocate some budget to establish this space at the heart of local club. Likewise, it would be more intriguing, if a swing and a roller coaster will be added to this place.

This recreational amenity has two advantages for young people, especially who are under 15 years old. Firstly, because of new planted trees, they can take a breath of fresh air. Furthermore, they can go on a picnic on weekends and spend their pastime with their parents.

I hope you consider some financial budget for my request.

Yours faithfully,

Koosha Khajeh Mougahi

Word Count: 178

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

local: 3

budget: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses all three prompts required by the task. You have successfully described the current facilities, suggested new ones, and explained the benefits. However, there is a slight inconsistency regarding the target audience. The task asks for facilities for 'your age group,' but the letter focuses on 'offspring' and children 'under 15 years old.' If the writer is an adult, this is acceptable, but the connection between the writer's age group and the children's needs could be more explicitly stated to ensure full task coverage. Additionally, suggesting a 'roller coaster' for a local sports center/green space is somewhat unrealistic and may be seen as an inappropriate suggestion for this context. To improve, ensure that all suggestions are contextually appropriate for the setting described and maintain a consistent perspective throughout the letter.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter follows a logical structure, addressing each bullet point from the task. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the gym facilities and the need for green space is a bit abrupt. To improve, use more sophisticated cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Additionally, ensure that the relationship between the 'offspring' mentioned and the 'age group' requested is clearly established.

Lexical Resource

You have attempted to use a variety of vocabulary (e.g., 'utilizing', 'recreational amenity', 'allocate'). However, some word choices are slightly unnatural or inaccurate in this context. For example, 'conveniences' is not the standard term for sports facilities, and 'roller coaster' is an unrealistic request for a local sports center/green space. Using 'playground equipment' would be more appropriate. Aim for more precise collocations to sound more natural.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical issues that affect the clarity of your writing. Issues include article usage (e.g., 'at the heart of local club' should be 'the local club'), subject-verb agreement, and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'if a swing and a roller coaster will be added'). There are also issues with sentence structure, such as 'especially who are under 15 years old'. Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that your use of articles and prepositions is consistent.

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