Bar Chart

Band 5+: Percentage of boys and girls who participate in 4 kinds of sport outside school hours

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The image presents a bar chart detailing the percentage participation rates of boys and girls in four distinct sports and a non-participation category outside school hours; boys' participation consists of 16% in swimming, 4% in football, 3% in netball, and 7% in basketball, with 4% not participating in any sport; girls' participation involves 13% in swimming, 20% in football, 17% in netball, and 6% in basketball, with 5% not engaging in any sport.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart displays information on the proportion of males and females who join 4 different sports , and also the proportion of those who do not attend sports.

Overall, the most common sport that boys participate in is soccer . Similarly, netball most of its attendances are girls , while the least for girls is football compared to netball for men . And the other categories doesn’t show significant difference between these two genders.

In terms of football, the percentage of men who play it is sharply higher than girls ( 20% and 4% , respectively). In the same way, swimming participants consisted of boys by 16% and female by 13%. For basketball , both genders are approximately equal ( boys are higher by just 1% than girls).

On the other hand , girls tend to join netball more significantly than boys by exactly 17% for women and men by 3%.And the rate of who doesn’t participate in these sports is few by a total of 9% in both genders .

Word Count: 172

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

girls: 4

netball: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main features of the bar chart and provides a generally clear overview of the data. However, there are some inaccuracies and a lack of specific detail in certain areas. To improve, ensure that all key data points are accurately represented and that comparisons are precise. Also, avoid using informal language.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the flow of information is not always smooth. The introduction and overview could be more concise and focused. Transitions between paragraphs are weak, making it difficult to follow the comparisons and contrasts. Consider using more explicit linking words and phrases to improve coherence. For example, use phrases like 'In contrast,' 'Similarly,' or 'However' to guide the reader through the information. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to improve the logical flow.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate but could be more varied and precise. There are instances of imprecise word choice (e.g., 'soccer' instead of 'swimming' for boys' most common sport). To improve, try to use synonyms and more specific terms related to data comparison. For example, instead of 'sharply higher,' consider using 'significantly greater.' Also, ensure that the vocabulary accurately reflects the data presented in the chart. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Common issues include incorrect verb tense, subject-verb agreement problems, and awkward phrasing. For example, 'netball most of its attendances are girls' is grammatically incorrect. To improve, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors in tense, agreement, and word order. Consider using more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a better command of grammar.

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