Multiple Graphs

Band 6+: riting Task 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. <

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Image for topic: riting Task 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. <

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The image displays four pie charts. New South Wales has four segments: 4%, 26%, 37%, and 33%. South Australia has four segments: 4%, 36%, 33%, and 28%. Australia Capital Territory has three labeled segments: 1%, 38%, and 10%. Western Australia has three labeled segments: 5%, 26%, and 27%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie charts illustrate the class size in primary schools of the four states of Australia. Overall, it can be visualized that Western Australia has the highest percentage of 30+ students in a class. On the other hand, primary schools in Australia capital territory have only 1% of classes which has 30 or more students. School in new South Wales and South Australia have both 4% of class sizes which are more than 30.

Comparatively, Australia capital territory has the highest percentage of a class size which has 20 or less students. Standing at second position South Australia has 36% of primary schools which have class sizes of less than 20 students. New South wales and Western Australia equally have 26% of primary schools which have class sizes of 20 or less students.

It can be noted that Australia capital territory has primary schools which commonly have 21-25 students.

Word Count: 149

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

australia: 8

class: 6

which: 6

primary: 5

schools: 5

students: 5

south: 4

capital: 3

territory: 3

sizes: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task, providing a reasonable summary of the main features of the pie charts and making some comparisons. However, there are some omissions and a lack of specific data to support some of the claims. To improve, ensure all key features are addressed with supporting data, and aim for a more comprehensive comparison between the states. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents the information in a somewhat organized manner, but the flow could be improved. The introduction and overall statement are present, but the transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. For example, using transition words like 'however,' 'similarly,' or 'in contrast' can help to clarify the relationships between different pieces of information. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear, distinct aspect of the data.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. While the report conveys the main points, using more sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the overall quality. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'percentage,' consider using synonyms like 'proportion' or 'ratio.' Also, try to incorporate more specific and descriptive language to highlight key differences and similarities between the states. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. While the overall meaning is understandable, these errors detract from the report's credibility. Focus on improving sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of articles and prepositions. For example, phrases like 'School in new South Wales' should be corrected to 'Schools in New South Wales.' Proofreading carefully and seeking feedback on your writing can help to identify and correct these errors.

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