Bar Chart

Band 5+: The Australian mothers and fathers spending time with their children

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The image depicts a chart comparing parental involvement of Australian mothers and fathers in 2013 for four child-related activities: Dressing, Homework, Playing games, Preparing for beds. Dressing: Mothers 75%, Fathers 3%, Both 22%. Homework: Mothers 50%, Fathers 10%, Both 38%. Playing games: Mothers 20%, Fathers 5%, Both 70%. Preparing for beds: Mothers 42%, Fathers 5%, Both 48%.

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The bar chart reveal the amount of time spent by Australian parents participating with their kids preforming various activities in 2013. This involve the dressing, homework, playing games, and preparing for beds.

In general, the mothers participate more often than the fathers, spatially for dressing and homework, where as the fathers main contribution is for playing games. Both demonstrated about the same effort in the preparation for bed and night time routine.

Around 70% of the Wardrope attendance time is dedicated to mothers only, oppose to only 20% of the father’s time. The assignments where also carried out mainly by the mothers, at 60% where the fathers where considerably less by 20%.

As for fun, over 70% of the play time is joint by the fathers, unlike the mothers, which they only participate just over 20%. Similar time was spent on night routine for mothers and fathers, which is about 40% and 50%, respectively. A joint effort was little to nothing for all activities.

Word Count: 164

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

mothers: 5

fathers: 5

where: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task and presents an overall comparison, but it contains several inaccuracies and omissions. For example, the percentages for dressing and homework are misreported, and the statement about joint effort being 'little to nothing' is incorrect for playing games and preparing for beds. The report would benefit from a clearer structure, accurate data presentation, and more precise language. Focus on describing the main trends and supporting them with correct figures.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs, but the flow is disrupted by unclear referencing and abrupt transitions. For example, 'This involve the dressing...' is vague, and the shift from discussing mothers' involvement to 'As for fun' is abrupt. The final sentence 'A joint effort was little to nothing for all activities' contradicts the data and is confusing. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, ensure pronouns refer clearly to the nouns they replace, and connect ideas with appropriate linking words (e.g., 'In contrast', 'Similarly'). Also, avoid making statements that contradict the data presented in the overview.

Lexical Resource

The report attempts to use a range of vocabulary (e.g., 'participating', 'demonstrated', 'dedicated', 'joint effort'), but there are several word choice errors and awkward phrasings that reduce clarity. For instance, 'spatially' should be 'especially', 'Wardrope attendance time' is incorrect (likely 'dressing time'), and 'oppose to' should be 'as opposed to'. The phrase 'the assignments where also carried out' is informal and imprecise. To improve, focus on using precise, formal vocabulary (e.g., 'childcare activities' instead of 'assignments') and ensure collocations are correct (e.g., 'spend time on' rather than 'dedicate time to' in this context). Proofread to eliminate these errors.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors that impede understanding. Subject-verb agreement errors ('chart reveal' should be 'chart reveals'), incorrect verb forms ('preforming' should be 'performing'), and tense inconsistencies are common. There are also issues with articles and prepositions (e.g., 'the dressing' should be 'dressing', 'in the preparation for bed' should be 'in preparing for bed'). Sentence structures are often fragmented or run-on, and punctuation is inconsistent. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing complex sentences with correct subordination, and proofread carefully. Using a wider range of structures (e.g., passive voice, relative clauses) would also enhance grammatical range.

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