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Band 5+: The below show the percentage of people aged 23-65 in different occupations in one UK town(Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008.

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The image presents two pie charts comparing the percentage distributions of people aged 23-65 in various occupations in Ashby and the UK in 2008. In Ashby, the distribution is: Professional work 29%, Technical work 8%, Personal services 17%, Office work 13%, Shop work 9%, Construction work 7%, Unemployed 4%. For the UK average, the distribution is: Professional work 27%, Technical work 9%, Personal services 17%, Office work 11%, Shop work 10%, Construction work 8%, Unemployed 10%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The given pie charts illustrate the difference between the percentage of 23-65 years old people in several occupations in Asby and in the UK in 2008.

Overall, it is clear that in Asby, personal work was the least popular option while personal services was the largest category. Meanwhile, in the UK, the percentage of unemployed and construction work contributed least to the avarage occupations; by contrast, office work was the most common choice of people.

In 2008, in Asby, personal services were represented more than one fifth of the percentage of occupation, at about 21%, ranking the first position. Followed by both office work and construction work made up 18%, recorded the second place. Then, both unemployed and shop work accounted for 14%, and held the third position. In addtion, profession work and technical work were two least favorite choice, at about 8% and 9%, respectively.

Moving to the UK, office work was the most popular job of the population, contributing to nearly one fifth of the percentage, at around 19%. Subsequently, both personal services and technical work accounted for 17%, ranking the second position. Consequently, professional work and shop work made up 14% and 13%, respectively. In 2008, both unemployed and construction work remained the least popular job option, with about one tenth of the avarage proportion.

Word Count: 218

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percentage: 4

personal: 4

least: 4

popular: 3

services: 3

unemployed: 3

construction: 3

office: 3

about: 3

position: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task by comparing the two pie charts, but it contains significant inaccuracies in the data interpretation and some irrelevant or inappropriate information. The overall structure is present, but the specific percentages and rankings are often incorrect, which detracts from the task achievement. To improve, focus on accurately reporting the data from the visual description, avoid making up numbers, and ensure that comparisons are clear and relevant. Additionally, proofread for spelling errors (e.g., 'Asby' instead of 'Ashby', 'avarage' instead of 'average') and maintain a consistent and objective tone.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction, an overview, and separate paragraphs for Ashby and the UK. However, the cohesion is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear referencing (e.g., 'personal work' vs 'personal services', 'the least popular option' vs 'the largest category'). The use of linking words like 'meanwhile', 'by contrast', and 'consequently' is attempted but not always logical or smooth. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between sentences and ideas are more natural and precise.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but limited and repetitive. There are several inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'personal work' instead of 'personal services', 'avarage' instead of 'average', 'favorite choice' instead of 'popular choice'). The range of vocabulary is narrow, with frequent use of basic terms like 'made up', 'accounted for', and 'ranking'. To improve, use a wider variety of precise and natural vocabulary (e.g., 'comprised', 'constituted', 'represented', 'the highest proportion', 'the least common'). Also, ensure correct spelling and word forms.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and awkward structures that affect clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('personal services were represented'), incorrect verb forms ('Followed by both office work and construction work made up'), and missing articles or prepositions. Sentence structures are often repetitive and lack complexity. To improve, practice using a wider range of sentence structures (e.g., complex sentences with subordinate clauses) and ensure grammatical accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and prepositions. Proofreading for common errors would also help.

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