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Band 5+: The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.

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Image for topic: The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.

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The image depicts employment categories for adult populations in 2003 and 2013: Education training shows 15 (2003), 12 (2013); Hotel industry reveals 8 (2003), 5 (2013); Medical records 15 (2003), 20 (2013); Building indicates 10 (2003), 12 (2013); Business illustrates 20 (2003), 45 (2013); Self-employed registers 10 (2003), 20 (2013); Unemployed displays 10 (2003), 20 (2013).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The provided graph illustrates employment categories of a particular country from 2003 to 2013.

Overall, most of job categories showed an increase in 10 years, while Business and Medical decreased throughout the period given.

In detail, in 2003, Hotel industry witnessed the lowest percentage (roughly 3%) and it was approximately 5% lower than the proportion of Education training. Moreover, the percentage of adults who were self employed was slightly less than 10% in 2003. Additionally, the figure for business had the highest percentage(around 45%). Furthermore, the percentage of Medical was nearly 20% in 2003.

In 2013, the proportion for building was slightly above 20%. Additionally, the rate of Medical was the lowest number (10%) in 2013. In addition, in 2013, the figure for unemployed adults was roughly 30%. Moreover, Business had the highest proportion ( nearly 30%) in 2013. Furthermore, in 2013, the proportion of Hotel industry was well above than 10%.

Word Count: 152

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

proportion: 4

business: 3

medical: 3

percentage: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies regarding the data trends and values. The overview incorrectly identifies the direction of change for several categories (stating Business and Medical decreased when the data suggests otherwise), and the body paragraphs contain numerous contradictions to the provided visual description. To improve, ensure that the trends identified in the overview accurately reflect the data and that the specific figures cited in the body paragraphs match the information provided in the prompt. Focus on grouping data logically to compare the two years effectively.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report suffers from a repetitive use of cohesive devices. Almost every sentence begins with a transition word such as 'Moreover', 'Additionally', 'Furthermore', or 'In addition'. This creates a mechanical and predictable rhythm that hinders the natural flow of the text. To improve, try to vary your sentence structures so that you do not rely solely on fronted adverbials. Instead of starting every sentence with a linker, try using relative clauses or subordinating conjunctions (e.g., 'While the figure for X increased, Y saw a decline') to connect ideas more fluidly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. There is frequent use of 'the percentage of' and 'the proportion of' without much variation. Additionally, some word choices are imprecise; for example, 'the rate of Medical' is awkward as 'Medical' is an adjective/category, not a rate itself. Aim to use more diverse synonyms for 'show' (e.g., 'depict', 'represent', 'account for') and ensure that nouns and adjectives are used correctly in context (e.g., 'the medical sector' instead of just 'Medical').

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report relies heavily on simple sentence structures, which limits the grammatical range. There are also issues with comparative structures, such as 'well above than 10%', where the 'than' is redundant. To reach a higher band, you should attempt to use more complex sentence forms, such as combining observations into single sentences using 'whereas' or 'although'. Pay close attention to article usage and the distinction between nouns and adjectives when describing categories.

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Band 5+: The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.

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The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.

The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.

The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.

The chart shows the employment status of adults in the US in 2003 and 2013.

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