Pie Chart

Band 6+: The charts below show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

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Image for topic: The charts below show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school in 1980, 1990 and 2000.

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The image displays three pie charts titled 1980, 1990, and 2000, accompanied by a legend with three categories: Employed, Further education, and Unemployed. In the 1980 chart, Further education is 50%, Employed is 40%, and Unemployed is 10%. In the 1990 chart, Employed is 50%, Further education is 38%, and Unemployed is 12%. In the 2000 chart, Employed is 55%, Further education is 37%, and Unemployed is 8%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie charts compare the percentage of what Australian school leavers did immediately after secondary school in 1980, 1990, and 2000.

Overall, 1990 and 2000 had the highest percentage of employed students as compared to 1980, In 1980 most of the students decided to get further education.

In 1990 the half of the students percentage (50 percent) decided to get a job only 12 percent of the whole were unemployed rest of the 38 percent students decided to study further. In contrast, the percentage of employed students increased by 5 percent in 2000, whereas only 8 percent students where unemployed and 37 percent students decided to study further.

Looking back at 1980 the proportion of employed students was less (40 percent) as compared to 1990, most students prioritise to get further education they had a percentage of 50, the unemployed students were 10 percent. If we look closely at the pie charts 2000 had the highest percentage of employed studentd and 1980 had the lowest.

Word Count: 165

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 10

percentage: 6

percent: 6

employed: 4

decided: 4

further: 3

unemployed: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively addresses the task by comparing the three pie charts and highlighting key trends, such as the overall increase in employment and the dominance of further education in 1980. The data is mostly accurate, and the structure is logical with an overview and detailed comparisons. However, there are some minor lapses: the overview could be clearer, and there are a few grammatical and spelling errors (e.g., 'studentd' instead of 'students', 'where' instead of 'were'). Additionally, the final sentence is slightly redundant. To improve, ensure the overview is more concise and proofread for minor errors.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a logical structure with an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs, but the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear referencing. For example, the phrase 'In 1990 the half of the students percentage (50 percent)' is confusing, and the transition between paragraphs could be smoother. The overview is present but could be more clearly separated from the details. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Additionally, use cohesive devices such as 'in contrast', 'similarly', and 'overall' more effectively to guide the reader.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'employed', 'further education', 'unemployed', and 'proportion'. However, there are some inaccuracies and repetitions, such as 'students percentage' and 'studentd' (typo). The phrase 'decided to get further education' is slightly informal; 'pursue further education' would be more appropriate. To improve, use more precise and varied vocabulary, such as 'the majority', 'a minority', 'accounted for', and 'represented'. Also, avoid informal expressions and ensure correct word forms.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including comparative and contrastive sentences. However, there are several errors that affect clarity, such as 'students where unemployed' (should be 'were'), 'the half of the students percentage' (awkward phrasing), and 'most students prioritise' (tense inconsistency). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas and run-on sentences. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of past tense, and sentence structure. Proofreading for common errors and using a variety of complex sentences will enhance accuracy.

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