Pie Chart

Band 4+: The charts show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy

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The image contains two pie charts displaying "What makes people most happy" based on a survey with a focus on age groups "people under 30" and "people over 30". For "people under 30", the chart shows "Having a good appearance" at 19%, "Traveling" at 18%, "Achievement at work" at 30%, "Doing hobbies" at 25%, and "Other factors" at 8%. For "people over 30", the chart lists "Being with family" at 32%, "Financial security" at 30%, "Achievement at work" at 24%, "Doing hobbies" at 10%, and "Other factors" at 4%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie charts demonstrate the result of a observation about what people of diffirent age sectors say makes them most joyful. Each group’s answers were unlike, so survey shows shows the most repeated 5 features for each age groups.

It seems that achievement at work is almost identical for both age category, it points to 31% at individuals under 30, and 32% at people over 30. Also, it is the highest ranked feature of the research.

For youngsters, doing hobbies presented 22%, having a good appearance contracted 18%, travelling indicates 15%, and other factors conquired the least portion at 14%. People over 30, do not have a elements of journeying and good-looking appearance. Instead of them, they mentioned being with family at 14% and financial security at 20%. For doing hobbies it is only 2% higher than another ages and other factors illustrates 10%.

From it, we can conclude that activities which being a reason for make people happy changes depend on the people’s age.

Word Count: 165

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 4

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Task Response

The report attempts to address the task and provides a comparison between the two age groups. However, there are significant issues with data accuracy and clarity. Many of the percentages provided in the report do not align with the information provided in the visual description (for example, the values for 'being with family' and 'financial security' are significantly different from the source data). Additionally, some mathematical comparisons are confusing, such as stating that 'doing hobbies' is only 2% higher than other ages when the data suggests a much larger gap. To improve, ensure that all data points are transcribed accurately and that comparisons are logically supported by the numbers presented. Focus on using precise language to describe trends and relationships between the categories.

Coherence & Cohesion

The organization of the report is somewhat logical, but the progression of ideas is hindered by significant phrasing issues. The transition between describing the two age groups is present, but the internal cohesion within paragraphs is weak. To improve, focus on using more effective cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast,' 'Regarding the younger demographic,' 'Conversely') to link sentences. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that flows naturally into the next.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary (e.g., 'joyful', 'youngsters', 'conquired'), but many words are used incorrectly or appear to be malapropisms (e.g., 'contracted' instead of 'accounted for', 'conquired' instead of 'accounted for' or 'comprised', 'elements of journeying'). This leads to confusion for the reader. Aim to master precise academic collocations and ensure that synonyms used are contextually accurate. Avoid using 'thesaurus words' if you are unsure of their exact meaning in a statistical context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains frequent grammatical errors that impact readability. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'age groups says', 'activities which being'), incorrect article usage, and awkward sentence structures (e.g., 'it points to 31% at individuals'). There are also punctuation errors and repetitive phrasing. To improve, practice complex sentence structures such as relative clauses and comparative structures (e.g., 'While X accounts for 30%, Y only represents 10%') and ensure that basic tense and agreement rules are consistently applied.

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