Pie Chart

Band 6+: The charts show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy

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The image contains two pie charts displaying "What makes people most happy" based on a survey with a focus on age groups "people under 30" and "people over 30". For "people under 30", the chart shows "Having a good appearance" at 19%, "Traveling" at 18%, "Achievement at work" at 30%, "Doing hobbies" at 25%, and "Other factors" at 8%. For "people over 30", the chart lists "Being with family" at 32%, "Financial security" at 30%, "Achievement at work" at 24%, "Doing hobbies" at 10%, and "Other factors" at 4%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie chart illustrates a survey result about the activities that make people happy in different ages.

Overall, it is clearly evident that, most of the people from both of the age group find happiness in their work achievement.

31% people under 30 is satisfied most with their success at work, which is most in number in this group. Around 20% people are happy with the activities like travelling, doing hobbies and having a good appearance. Rest of the people in this group are pleased with other factors.

On the other hand, most of the people over 30 finds satisfaction with their work achievement and the ratio is 32% which is slightly higher than the younger group. 24% people from this age group are delighted to fulfill their hobbies. Whereas, 20% of them feel secured by improving their financial condition. However, the remaining proportion which is below 15%, are happy to spend time with their family and remains busy with other activities.

Word Count: 162

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

their: 6

group: 5

activities: 3

happy: 3

which: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main features of the charts and provides an overview. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported (e.g., '31% people under 30 is satisfied most with their success at work' should be 30%, and 'the ratio is 32% which is slightly higher than the younger group' is incorrect as 32% refers to 'Being with family' for the over 30s, not work achievement). Also, the description of the 'over 30s' chart is not as clear or well-organized as it could be. To improve, ensure data accuracy and clarity in descriptions.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a general overview and attempts to highlight key features, but the organization could be improved for better flow. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, transitions could be smoother when moving from discussing one age group to the other. Additionally, ensure that the information is presented in a logical order, perhaps starting with the most significant findings and then moving to less important details.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. Try to incorporate a wider range of synonyms to describe the data and avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'happy' or 'satisfied,' consider alternatives like 'content,' 'pleased,' or 'fulfilled.' Also, ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the nuances of the data presented.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. Focus on improving sentence structure and ensuring correct subject-verb agreement. Pay close attention to the use of articles (a, an, the) and prepositions, as errors in these areas can significantly impact the overall quality of the writing. Proofread carefully to identify and correct these mistakes.

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