Process Diagram

Band 5+: The diagram below shows the production of a lead pencil. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparisons where relevant

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Image for topic: The diagram below shows the production of a lead pencil. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparisons where relevant

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The image depicts pencil making process: ground graphite and clay mixed with H2O forming graphite dough are transformed into graphite rod via a forming press, which then produces leads that go through drying, while wooden slats have grooves cut in them and enter an oven heated to 800°C, glued slots with leads get sandwiched between slats, undergo shaping machine creating smooth finish resulting in finished pencil.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The diagram shows the production of a lead pencil and pencil cases that contain three main steps, which is forming the pencil leads and casses, drying the pencil lead and shaping both of the pencil lead and case.

Pencil lead was made from a graphite where the raw graphite turned into a graphite dough then inserted into a forming press machine and made into pencil lead.

The next step of the production is drying where the pencil leads is left on a 800 degree celcius heat. Furthermore the pencil leads will be combined later with the pencil cases and made into a finished pencil.

Pencil cases were made from a wood that take the outer side of it, then the wood is formed into a shape that follows the shape of the pencil lead and roll the pencil case outside the pencil lead to make a ready to use pencil.

Word Count: 150

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

pencil: 13

cases: 3

leads: 3

graphite: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report identifies the main stages of pencil production but lacks detail and clarity in describing the processes. There are inaccuracies and omissions, such as the temperature for drying the lead and the description of the wooden slats. To improve, focus on providing more specific details about each stage, including the materials, equipment, and processes involved. Also, ensure accuracy in reporting data and avoid generalizations.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is somewhat difficult to follow due to organizational issues and a lack of clear transitions. The introduction mentions 'three main steps' but doesn't clearly delineate them. Paragraphing could be improved to separate distinct stages of the process more effectively. Consider using more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Finally,' 'Subsequently') to guide the reader through the process.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is basic and repetitive. While the report conveys the general process, it lacks precision and sophistication in word choice. For example, using more specific terms related to manufacturing or materials would enhance the description. Try to incorporate synonyms and avoid repeating the same words (e.g., 'pencil lead,' 'pencil case') too frequently.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses ('Pencil lead was made'), subject-verb agreement issues ('the pencil leads is left'), and awkward phrasing ('roll the pencil case outside the pencil lead'). These errors detract from the clarity and credibility of the report. Focus on using correct grammar and sentence structure to improve accuracy.

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