Line Graph

Band 6+: The graph below shows the proportion of workers employed by four different fields in Australia from 1900 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The graph below shows the proportion of workers employed by four different fields in Australia from 1900 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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The image contains a line graph titled "Percentage of Workers by Sector in Australia (%)" showing data for four sectors from 1900 to 2000. In 1900, the percentages were: services 50%, manufacturing 19%, agriculture 10%, and mining 7%. For 1920, the values were: services 56%, manufacturing 26%, agriculture 12%, and mining 6%. In 1940, the data shows: services 59%, manufacturing 23%, agriculture 15%, and mining 5%. The figures for 1960 were: services 61%, manufacturing 19%, agriculture 11%, and mining 3%. In 1980, the percentages were: services 64%, manufacturing 15%, agriculture 10%, and mining 2%. In 2000, the values were: services 70%, manufacturing 12%, agriculture 8%, and mining 0%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

The line graph display the percentage of labors working in four various sectors in Australia between 1900 and 2000.

Overall,services were the biggest sector that workers engaged in throughout the whole period with a gradual increase tendency,while mining accounted for the least from the beginning and witnessed a steady dip.The remaining sectors fluctuated from 1900 to 2000.

Starting at around 50% in 1900, which was the highest of the four fields,services went up gradually to approxiately 60% in 1940.After stopping at the level of 60% for next 2 decades,it plummeted to 70% from 1960 to 2000,still keeping the lead of the whole sectors.In contrast,mining experienced a steady drop from around 8% in 1900 to nearly 0% in 2000,accounting for the least in the four sectors.

The second biggest sector was manufacturing,which peaked at around 28% in 1920;then following a steady decrease to around 11% in 2000.Agriculture hovered around 10% throughtout the whole period,taking the third place all the time.

Word Count: 159

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

around: 5

whole: 3

steady: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively summarizes the main trends and provides relevant comparisons. The overview is clear, and the body paragraphs detail the changes in each sector over the given period. To improve, ensure that all significant fluctuations are mentioned and that the data is as accurate as possible.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear overview and specific details in the subsequent paragraphs. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are mostly smooth, contributing to a coherent flow of information. To further enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more explicitly. For example, you could use phrases like 'similarly,' 'in comparison,' or 'conversely' to draw clearer connections between the trends of different sectors. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined aspect of the data to maintain a strong sense of unity.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary suitable for describing trends and proportions. Terms like 'gradual increase,' 'steady dip,' 'fluctuated,' and 'hovered' are used appropriately. To further enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary to describe the changes. For instance, instead of 'went up gradually,' you could use 'increased incrementally' or 'rose steadily.' Also, consider using synonyms for frequently used words like 'percentage' or 'sector' to showcase a broader lexical range. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. There are some errors, but they do not significantly impede understanding. To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and appropriate article usage. For example, ensure that plural nouns are used when referring to multiple instances and that verb tenses consistently reflect the time frame being discussed. Proofreading carefully for these common errors can enhance the overall clarity and precision of the report.

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