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Band 7+: .: The lines illustrate the reletionship between rate of employed men and women, aged between 18-34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011

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The image contains a line graph titled 'Employment of Men and Women Aged 18-34 in Australia (1976 vs 2011)', plotting Percentage Employed against Age from 18 to 34. For Men in 1976, the percentages by age are: 18(56), 19(60), 20(63), 21(66), 22(67), 23(67), 24(66), 25(69), 26(69), 27(68), 28(67), 29(68), 30(73), 31(78), 32(80), 33(82), 34(87). For Men in 2011: 18(42), 19(46), 20(49), 21(52), 22(55), 23(56), 24(54), 25(53), 26(53), 27(52), 28(52), 29(55), 30(61), 31(63), 32(64), 33(68), 34(71). For Women in 1976: 18(52), 19(51), 20(50), 21(50), 22(49), 23(48), 24(45), 25(41), 26(40), 27(40), 28(39), 29(39), 30(38), 31(38), 32(37), 33(35), 34(34). For Women in 2011: 18(48), 19(43), 20(44), 21(44), 22(44), 23(45), 24(47), 25(47), 26(46), 27(43), 28(40), 29(39), 30(37), 31(36), 32(35), 33(34), 34(33).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The line graph compares the employment rates of men and women aged between 18 and 34 in Australia in two different years, 1976 and 2011.

Overall, it is evident that men consistently had higher employment rates than women in both years. However, men employment had increased over time, females showed decline.

In 1976, male employment started at around 58% at age 18, and increased steadily, reaching at roughly 70% in the mid-20s. After a slight fluctuation, it increased sharply again to over 80% by age 34. By contrast, in 2011, the figure for men began lower, at about 42%, but gradually climbed throughout the age range, reaching roughly 71% at the oldest age.

As for women, the pattern was different. In 1976, employment stood at 52%, at age 18 before declining to 34% by age 34. A similar pattern can be observed in 2011, where women employment made up 455 by age 18, and declining from 48% to 33% by age 33.

Word Count: 162

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

employment: 6

women: 4

increased: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main trends and providing some specific data points. However, there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For instance, the report mentions that male employment increased over time, but it actually decreased between 1976 and 2011. Also, the report states that women's employment made up 455 by age 18 in 2011, which is a typo. To improve, ensure greater accuracy in data reporting and avoid typos.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear overview and specific details. The progression of information is logical, making it easy to follow the trends in the graph. To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined aspect of the data. For instance, you could dedicate separate paragraphs to describing the trends for men and women in each year, highlighting key differences and similarities. Also, use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary suitable for describing trends in a graph. Terms like 'increased steadily,' 'slight fluctuation,' and 'declining' are used appropriately. To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more precise vocabulary related to rates and employment, and vary the language used to describe changes (e.g., instead of always saying 'increased,' use 'rose,' 'grew,' or 'ascended'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'men employment had increased over time, females showed decline' contains awkward phrasing and a lack of parallel structure. Also, 'women employment made up 455 by age 18' contains a typo and grammatical error. To improve, carefully proofread for subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and accurate preposition usage. Focus on constructing more complex sentences while maintaining grammatical accuracy.

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