Bar Chart

Band 5+: The percentage of males and females in Australia who did not consume enough calcium in their diet in 2012, categorized by age group.

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Image for topic: The percentage of males and females in Australia who did not consume enough calcium in their diet in 2012, categorized by age group.

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The image shows a bar graph depicting the percentage of males and females who did not have enough calcium in their diet across various age groups in Australia for 2012. For ages 4-8, males: 35%, females: 45%; ages 9-11, males: 52%, females: 60%; ages 12-13, males: 64%, females: 70%; ages 14-18, males: 55%, females: 83%; ages 19-30, males: 47%, females: 62%; ages 31-50, males: 40%, females: 65%; ages 51-70, males: 59%, females: 53%; ages 71+, males: 55%, females: 46%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illurstrate the number of males and females in Australia who did not comsume enough clacium in their diet in 2012 in term of percentage.

Overall,it can be seen that both females and males in the age group of 71+ were the highest percentage of people that not consumed calaium enough in 2012, while people in the age between 4-8 were the lowest one, interestly females are alway be higher than males in every age group, females in the group of age 14-18 and 51-70 are the same amount of percentage and group of 12-13 and 19-30 also have the same.

For males at the age group of 71+ were the highest at around 86%, follow by males in the group of 14-18 at approximately 78%. Interesting that the percentage of males in the 12-13 group is almost the same as group of 14-18 at around 75% , but males in the age of 4-8 was lowest at 11%.

For females at the age group of 71+ also were the highest one groups that not comsumed enough clacium in their diet at about 95%, and the second were the group of age 14-18 and 51-70 are the same at 90%,and group of 12-13 and 19-30 also have the same at around 82%, but females in the age of 4-8 was lowest at 20% same as males. In every age group females is always higher percentage than male but in age between 19-30, females were higher than male by 38%

Word Count: 251

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

group: 12

males: 8

females: 8

percentage: 4

14-18: 4

enough: 3

highest: 3

lowest: 3

higher: 3

12-13: 3

19-30: 3

around: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but includes some inaccuracies and irrelevant details. The data reported does not match the data in the visual description. The writing also contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data from the chart, using precise language, and ensuring grammatical correctness.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an attempt to organize the information, but the structure is not always clear, and the flow of ideas could be improved. The organization of the report could be enhanced by grouping similar age ranges together or by discussing the trends for males and females separately before comparing them. This would make the information easier to follow. Paragraphing needs improvement to better separate key ideas and trends. For example, the overview could be more concise and focused, and the body paragraphs could each address a specific aspect of the data, such as age groups or gender comparisons.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat limited and repetitive. There are instances of imprecise word choice. To improve, try to use a wider range of vocabulary to describe the data and trends. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'highest' and 'lowest,' consider using synonyms like 'peak,' 'maximum,' 'minimum,' or 'bottom.' Also, use more precise language to describe the quantities and comparisons. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and punctuation mistakes. These errors affect the clarity and accuracy of the report. To improve, focus on using a variety of sentence structures and ensuring that your grammar is accurate. Proofread carefully to catch and correct any errors before submitting your report.

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