Pie Chart

Band 4+: The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image shows two pie charts detailing immigration and emigration reasons; for immigration, 38% definite jobs, 10% looking for jobs, 22% formal study, 17% accompany/join, 13% others; for emigration, 37% definite jobs, 20% looking for jobs, 6% formal study, 16% accompany/join, 21% others.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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In genaral, is it clear that main reason for moving to Australia and leaving this country was definite jobs.

However, the lowest proportion migrated in Australia because there was lack of formal education. The lowest number of people immigrated were loking for a job. Meanwhile, the smallest proportion of people emigrated was formal education just accounting for 6%.

According to pie chart, both side had same reason because of definite job, people came to Australia constituted 38 (percent) and, wereas people who left country relatively similar represented 37%. Another the biggest part of human immigrated was formal job accounting for 22 (percent), but emigrated people represented just 6 (percent). Conversely the highest number of inhabitants who left Australia was another reason twise as many as immigrant. In camperison to that, a substantial number of people (20 percent) who left country in order to find a job.

One of the next reason to migrate to and from Australia was to join family members. Almost identical (17 and 18) percentage of people who decided to relocate another country and to Australia.

Word Count: 179

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

australia: 6

reason: 4

country: 4

formal: 3

number: 3

(percent): 3

another: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the main requirements of the task by identifying the primary reasons for migration, but it struggles with clarity and logical organization. While the key data points are present, the presentation is often confusing due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on grouping information more logically (e.g., comparing immigration and emigration categories directly) and ensure that comparisons are expressed clearly. Work on sentence structure to avoid repetitive or fragmented ideas, and ensure that the relationship between the data points is easy for the reader to follow.

Coherence & Cohesion

The organization of ideas is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the logical flow of the comparison. While there is an attempt to use cohesive devices (e.g., 'However', 'Meanwhile', 'Conversely'), they are often used incorrectly or are accompanied by grammatical errors that disrupt the progression. To improve, focus on grouping similar data points into logical paragraphs - for example, one paragraph for immigration, one for emigration, and a third for direct comparisons. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling errors (e.g., 'genaral', 'loking', 'camperison', 'twise') and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'biggest part of human', 'emigrated people represented'). There is also some repetitive use of basic words. To improve, aim to use more precise academic synonyms for 'people' (such as 'migrants', 'individuals', or 'inhabitants') and 'show' (such as 'illustrate', 'depict', or 'reveal'). Work on using collocations more naturally, such as 'the largest proportion' instead of 'the biggest part'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impact the clarity of the report. There are issues with sentence structure (e.g., 'In genaral, is it clear that...'), subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Many sentences are fragmented or poorly constructed, which forces the reader to re-read for meaning. To improve, practice constructing complex sentences using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., 'While 38% of immigrants moved for definite jobs, only 37% of emigrants did the same'). Focus on mastering basic sentence structures before attempting more complex comparisons.

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