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Band 4+: The pie charts show the online shopping sales for reatil sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015

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The image comprises two pie charts depicting online shopping sales percentages for retail sectors in Australia for 2010 and 2015. For the year 2010, the distribution is as follows: Electric & appliance at 27%, Food & Beverage at 21%, Home Furnishings at 19%, Video Games at 23%, Gift Items at 7%, and Books at 3%. For the year 2015, the percentages shift to: Electric & appliance at 34%, Food & Beverage at 22%, Home Furnishings at 16%, Video Games at 18%, Gift Items at 5%, and Books at 5%.

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This pie chart shows the online shopping sales sectors by people in Australia from 2010 to 2015. There is 6 sectors that people doing and it is have some changes in 5 years.

Overall, the smallest in this pie chart is books. It is 4 percent of all the pie chart. It is not good thing that to sell online, so that is the worts one. Second one is gift items. This also not that thing to buy online so it is only 7 percent. Next thing is video games. This is large one than last ones because this is popular and everybody buy it in that time. Also people buy food and beverage it is good to save time and quality. Then there is a home furnitures that people buy online. it is really comfortable and saves time. The biggest one is electric and applance. It is 27 percent of all the chart and the last one.

In 2015 the pie chart changes a bit. Some things was stuck like in 2010. Especially the gift items and video games. In 2015 games was lost his popularity and gifts increase that it it more useful to buy it online than go to the giftshop.

Word Count: 204

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A1 - Beginner
Aim to use more advanced language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

chart: 5

online: 5

people: 4

percent: 3

thing: 3

games: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the task but includes some irrelevant and inaccurate information. The organization is not very clear, and the language contains errors. To improve, focus on accurately describing the data, organizing the information logically (e.g., comparing changes between the two years), and using more precise language.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks clear organization and paragraphing. The ideas are not presented in a logical order, making it difficult to follow the main points. Consider grouping information by category or trend and using transition words to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, you could dedicate separate paragraphs to describing the overall trends, the sectors with the highest sales, and those with the lowest sales. Also, avoid abrupt shifts in focus between sectors and years.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There is limited use of specific or descriptive language to convey the information effectively. To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to sales, trends, and comparisons. For example, instead of saying 'it is good,' use more precise terms like 'significant,' 'substantial,' or 'notable.' Also, avoid informal language such as 'good thing' and 'worts one.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors significantly impede clarity and understanding. Focus on improving sentence construction and using a variety of sentence types to enhance the flow of the report. Pay close attention to articles (a, an, the) and prepositions, as these are frequently misused. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors before submitting your work.

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Band 4+: The pie charts show the online shopping sales for reatil sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015

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The pie charts show the online shopping sales for reatil sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015

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