Pie Chart

Band 6+: the supplied pie chart enumerates the comparison of the online shopping for selling section in canada from 2005 to 2010

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The image displays two pie charts titled 'Online sales for retail sectors in Canada' for the years 2005 and 2010. In 2005, the sales percentages were: Electronics & Appliance 35%, Food & Beverage 22%, Home Furnishings 25%, and Video Games 18%. In 2010, the percentages were: Electronics & Appliance 30%, Food & Beverage 32%, Home Furnishings 15%, and Video Games 23%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie charts illustrate and compare the amount of sales made for different retail sectors in Canada between 2005 and 2010.

Overall, while electronics and appliances represented the biggest share by itself in 2005, food and beverage surpassed it by slightly in 2010. Video games gained more sales online by 2010, meanwhile home furnishings experienced a slight drop over the period.

Video games were accounted for the smallest portion of the chart, at 18%, in 2005, as it became more popular for online sales, it reached 23% by 2010, surpassing food and beverage. While food and beverage was the sector second-least amount of online sales with 22% in 2005, it constitiuded more than one-third of the total, at 32%, after the five year period.

Home furnishings represented the quarter of the chart having second-most online sales after electronics and appliance, at 35% in 2005. While home furnishing’s proportion dropped to 15% after the five year period, electronics and appliance also experienced a slighlty smaller decline to 30% by 2010.

Word Count: 169

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sales: 5

online: 4

while: 3

electronics: 3

beverage: 3

after: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task and provides a clear overview of the main trends. It successfully identifies the shifts in market share for all four sectors. However, there are some inaccuracies in data reporting and logical comparisons that affect the precision of the response. For example, the report states that Video Games surpassed Food and Beverage in 2010, but the data shows Food and Beverage (32%) was actually higher than Video Games (23%). Additionally, the report incorrectly attributes the 35% figure to Home Furnishings in 2005, whereas that figure actually belonged to Electronics & Appliances. To improve, ensure that data points are strictly mapped to the correct categories and double-check comparisons to ensure they reflect the actual values presented in the charts.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, an overview, and two body paragraphs. However, there are issues with sentence connectivity. Some sentences are 'run-on' sentences (e.g., the sentence starting with 'Video games were accounted for...'), where two independent clauses are joined only by a comma. To improve, use appropriate subordinating conjunctions or full stops to separate distinct ideas. Additionally, ensure that the transition between comparing sectors is smoother to help the reader follow the trends more effortlessly.

Lexical Resource

You have used a variety of terms to describe proportions, such as 'represented the biggest share', 'constituted', and 'proportion'. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling (e.g., 'constitiuded', 'slighlty'). There is also a factual/lexical error in the final paragraph where you attributed 35% to Home Furnishings instead of Electronics & Appliances. Be careful to ensure that the vocabulary used to describe data matches the specific data points provided to maintain accuracy.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report attempts a range of complex structures, but errors in grammar are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. For example, 'Video games were accounted for' is a passive voice error (it should be 'Video games accounted for'). There are also issues with comparative phrasing, such as 'surpassed it by slightly' (should be 'surpassed it slightly'). To improve, focus on mastering the use of the active vs. passive voice and refining your comparative structures (e.g., 'slightly more than', 'a slight increase in').

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Band 6+: the supplied pie chart enumerates the comparison of the online shopping for selling section in canada from 2005 to 2010

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Task Response

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Answers On The Same Topic:

the supplied pie chart enumerates the comparison of the online shopping for selling section in canada from 2005 to 2010

the supplied pie chart enumerates the comparison of the online shopping for selling section in canada from 2005 to 2010

the supplied pie chart enumerates the comparison of the online shopping for selling section in canada from 2005 to 2010

the supplied pie chart enumerates the comparison of the online shopping for selling section in canada from 2005 to 2010

Other Topics:

The pie graphs show the nutritional consistency of two dinners. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data. Write at least 150 words

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The pie charts below show the methods used by international students to book online English courses in three different countries in 2009 and 2010.

Check Your Answer On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample Answer?

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Task Response

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