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Band 6+: The table below show the percentage of men and women employed in four different types of industries in one town in 1990,2000, and 2010.

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Image for topic: The table below show the percentage of men and women employed in four different types of industries in one town in 1990,2000, and 2010.

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The image presents a table detailing employment percentages for men and women across four industries in 1990, 2000, and 2010. For men: Retail/Shops reports 13% consistently across 1990, 2000, 2010; Health shows 7% for 1990, increasing to 7% in 2000, and then 9% in 2010; Manufacturing starts at 30% in 1990, dropping to 15% in 2000, and further to 10% in 2010; Tourism lists 13% in 1990, 10% in 2000, and 10% in 2010. For women: Retail/Shops starts at 7% in 1990, rises to 8% in 2000, and reaches 9% in 2010; Health increases from 7% in 1990 to 9% in 2000, and then to 11% in 2010; Manufacturing shows a decrease from 7% in 1990 to 8% in 2000, and then a further drop to 3% in 2010; Tourism has 23% in 1990, 25% in 2000, and a higher 27% by 2010.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The provided bar chart depicts the rate of male and female employees in a variety of industries between the period 1990 and 2010. Overall, men often choose the manufacturing industry, while female employees are often on tourism industry.

To begin with, men’s rate in the job, retail/shops, did not change for 20 years. While women’s rate was almost half than male, it increased steadily from 7% to 9% in 2010. Moreover, the percentage of males in healthcare employment rose slightly to 9 percent, though the female rate in the healthcare workplace increased by 6 percent in 2010.

By excluding other industries, such as manufacturing in male participation was the highest at 30 percent, which was halved in 2000, and it declined to 10 percent after 10 years. Therefore, the female rate in the manufacturing industry experienced a downward trend among other industries, declining by 3 percent. While male employees in the tourism industry went down from 13 to 10 percent. by contrast, female employees in the tourism business had shown an upward trend with 23% to 27%.

Word Count: 177

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percent: 6

female: 5

employees: 4

industries: 3

manufacturing: 3

industry: 3

while: 3

tourism: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main trends and providing specific data points. However, the organization could be improved for better clarity, and there are some minor inaccuracies and omissions. To improve, focus on structuring the report with a clearer overview and body paragraphs that each discuss a specific trend or industry. Also, ensure all data references are accurate and complete.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but the flow could be improved. The introduction and overall statement are present, but the connection between sentences within paragraphs sometimes feels disjointed. Transitions could be used more effectively to guide the reader through the data. For example, in the second paragraph, linking the trends in retail/shops for men and women more explicitly would enhance coherence. In the final paragraph, the contrast between male and female employment in tourism is well-identified, but the paragraph could benefit from a clearer concluding statement.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there's room for more precise and varied language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'rate' or 'percentage,' consider synonyms like 'proportion,' 'level,' or 'figure.' While the vocabulary is adequate for conveying the information, expanding the range would enhance the report's sophistication. Also, be careful about word choice; for example, 'on tourism industry' could be improved.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but grammatical errors and phrasing issues impact clarity. For example, 'male employees are often on tourism industry' is grammatically incorrect. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. While the overall meaning is understandable, correcting these errors would significantly improve the report's grammatical accuracy. Pay close attention to sentence structure and proofread carefully to identify and correct these mistakes.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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